I Know No Other Way
by TwoChase
Summary: Sequel to Hell or High Water (If you haven't read it yet I recommend you do) After overcoming the negativity towards their relationship, Casey and Alex are able to enjoy being a couple, and Alex is dreaming about taking the next step with Casey. AC Pairing. M Rated because sexy chapters ahead.
1. Chapter 1

Ch. 1

Alex's POV

Laying on the towel in the sand, the hot sun warms the air. The only sound is the rhythmic crashing of water. It keeps me in a relaxed half sleep state.

I don't want to fall asleep, scared that my pale skin will get too comfortable in the sun, and burn. Even though I'm under the umbrella I know that somehow the sun will find a way to turn me into a lobster. My nose has already taken up the all too familiar red color, and stinging pain.

Casey and I had some time off from work, so we decided to take a few days to come down to the beach, and get some much needed relaxation. I can't imagine spending my time off any other way than with the most beautiful woman in the world on the beach. It's so nice not to have any worries about work, or bills, or-

Something is on my stomach. I feel little pricks like something is crawling on me.

I immediately shoot right up thinking it's a bee. I start screaming like a frightened child. I can't stand bugs, or things that crawl.

My hands start to swipe away at it. Nothing is on me anymore at least.

I calm down, and see Casey sitting on the end of the towel laughing uncontrollably at my over reacting.

"oh my god you should've seen your face baby." she says in between laughs.

She's holding something in her hands. I can't tell what it is.

"it's not funny."

"yes it is, but you scared Bob." she says.

"Bob?" I ask her.

"a hermit crab. I found him. He was stranded and a seagull was eyeing him so I saved him. Well until you almost killed him."

I shiver seeing the little crab. I don't like things that crawl or creep. Especially on my bare stomach.

"well then why did you put it on me? You knew I'd freak out."

"his name is Bob, and he wanted to give you a hug. I told him you give good hugs."

"to my beautiful girlfriend. Not crawly things." I shiver again at the sight of the damn thing.

I lean in and kiss her.

"that was a kiss."

"are you complaining?"

I kiss her again.

"not at all."

"you know for someone so cute you can be so mean." I joke.

"I'm sorry baby. I just like to tease you" she kisses me back and puts her hand on my thigh.

"I know." I half moan.

She giggles.

God why does she have to be so sexy and cute. She's killing me here with her bathing suit clad body and cute little giggle, and her hand on my thigh creeping dangerously close as she bites my bottom lip. I deepen the kiss and put my hands on her waist pulling her closer. She pulls her hand off my thigh. I let out a sigh.

"if we continue this any further we may get in some trouble." she says.

We lay down on the blanket. Just looking in each others eyes enjoying the peace. Her eyes are beautiful green. I can't help but get lost in them. Right now is perfect with Casey, kissing, and cuddling her. Not only that, but she's in a blue bikini that she looks absolutely sexy in. I loved the beach before, but now with Casey I love it so much more because I get a view of her beautiful body.

Okay Alex relax you've seen Casey's body a million times. It is possible you can look at her without your mind going there every ten seconds, right? And it just went there again.

Oh, but she's so beautiful, and cute, and funny, and smart, and sexy, and everything good in the world.

When my mind isn't busy wandering to dangerous places, I'm just looking at her, and day dreaming.

It's been almost three months since her cousin Jake's wedding. Ever since the wedding I've been thinking more about my future with Casey.

Ever since Casey and I have been together I've known that I'm in it well forever.

But since the wedding my dreams have consisted of Casey walking down the isles. Well the appropriate PG rated dreams anyway. She always looks so beautiful in those dreams. As if she could get any more beautiful.

We've been together almost eight months now. I'm just scared that it's too soon to propose to her. I don't want to jump the gun and ruin how special it would be to pop the question. I don't want to scare her either by taking things so quick.

I've been too nervous to ever think about the M word let alone say it to Casey. What if she is completely against marriage all together. Sometimes I get scared talking about the future.

Maybe it's because of being in witness protection you never know what the future holds. One day you're yourself on a case drinking coffee and waiting for the next episode of Scandal. The next day you're someone else with a different name in a strange town with a strange job. The uncertainty of the future has kind of stuck with me since I got out. I would be destroyed if I ever had to go back into witness protection and not know if I'll ever see Casey again, or worse come back after a few years and have her hate me.

Then there's just the thought of whether marriage would make Casey happy or not. I don't even want to think about the thought of Casey not being happy with me, or not happy enough to marry me. The only thing I fear more than icky crawly things is not being able to make Casey happy. That's all I want to do show her how much I love her and make sure she's always happy. After all the crap in the last months between, Olivia, the job, and her mother I want her to be happy she deserves it.

I try not to think about it too much though as we continue on our vacation. Casey knows when I'm deep in thought about something. She'd pick up on it in a second.

"what are you thinking about?" she asks me.

See! What did I say? She picks up on it.

We're laying in bed. It's the next morning. She has her head on my chest. Her green eyes looking sweetly into mine.

"how beautiful you are." I kiss her.

I don't want her to know I'm thinking about certain things. Words that may or may not begin with M and the future and stuff.

Quickly I flip us over so I'm on top of her.

I'll keep her distracted, so she won't ask what I'm thinking.

I don't lie to Casey ever, and I don't hide anything from her.

I keep her well distracted for the rest of our trip thankfully, but my mind still keeps going to that same daydream of our future together.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello my lovely readers. I just wanted to say thank you for the reviews on the first chapter they mean so much, and I'm so happy you all liked the first chapter. Please keep reading and reviewing and enjoy.**

Ch. 2

Casey's POV

After everything Alex and I went through, between Olivia, and McCoy, her working in the Bronx, and my mo- I mean Susan, I can proudly say we are as happy as ever.

I kind of find a miracle that Alex didn't hate me for what went down with my mom- I mean Susan. Anyone else might run for the hills and never look back. Susan was awful to Alex without even knowing her. I don't know what I would've done if some strange woman said to me the things Susan said to Alex.

Now that Susan has made herself scarce in our lives thank god, Alex and I can finally actually be happy without someone trying to ruin it like assholes. Like seriously why do people- who shall remain nameless cough Olivia cough Susan cough- have to ruin others happiness. I was in a rough patch of life drowning in my pity party for three years. All the sudden I get my job back and I find happiness and fall madly in love with this beautiful, caring, amazing, sexy woman and they had to make it difficult.

McCoy doesn't really pay attention, and I think Olivia is dating some crusty bitch, and is too busy to pursue me anymore. Hang on let me cry about it in the corner. You know when met with the choice of the vindictive manipulative bitch Olivia is, or the sexy sweet yumminess of Alex Cabot the choice is just so difficult. NOT! I never look back on the decision to end my friendship with Olivia, and be with Alex.

Sometimes I catch myself laughing when I think that Olivia thought she had a chance with me. She was going up against Alex Cabot. The Alex Cabot. Has she seen my Alex? Her legs, and her body, and that blonde hair, and how her voice makes me go weak at the knees all the time.

Thank god the whole Olivia and Susan things are over and done with and now I can enjoy my Alex time. It's summer. I didn't mind the cold much this year since Alex always kept me warm, but I've always been a summer girl. Baseball season, the beach, camping.

I didn't have to talk Alex into going to the beach. She loves the beach. Even though it only took five minutes for her cute nose to turn red.

With baseball I needed to do a little swaying, since she doesn't watch sports. I'm changing that though and molding her into a Yankees fan, slowly but surely. I can proudly say she now owns and wears a Yankees t-shirt when watching the games with me either on the tv or at the stadium. We've already been to a few Yankee's games, and she likes it.

Her favorites though are my Saturday softball games. I know she doesn't watch the game, she spends the entire time watching me. I don't know why though, especially when I'm in the dugout waiting to bat. I'm just standing there watching the game myself. I don't know what's so entertaining about that. She tells me she watches the game, but I know that's the furthest from the truth since every time I look at her, her eyes are locked on me.

Camping however, I might need to do a lot of swaying. If anyone knows Alex Cabot they know she doesn't like bugs, or any animals that are slimy, crawl, or have an abnormal amount of legs, make weird noises, or she deems ugly. I frequently pick on her for being a spaz in the outdoors. I want to cuddle up under the stars, by a fire, and roast marshmallows. Then we can spend all night keeping each other safe and warm. I'll need a miracle to sell that one though.

Laying in bed with her I know she's deep in thought about something.

"what are you thinking about?"

She's drawn out of whatever thought she's having.

"how beautiful you are."

It must've been something dirty because she immediately kisses me, and gets me out of my clothes.

I don't want to go back to the city. Not that I don't love living there I do, but the beach is so peaceful, and there's no work to do. Then there's sand to make sand castles, and hermit crabs to chase Alex with.

Sadly after our few days of relaxing, and fun we have to go home.

Oh well, at least my view from the office is great. I'm still in my little office across from Alex. McCoy offered me a bigger office, but I can't give up the view of Alex across the hall. He tried to sell me on the office with a fantastic view of the park. Trees and buildings or the most beautiful human the gods ever sculpted. I don't think Alex would want me to move my office either. I still catch her undressing me with her eyes all the time. She tries to look back down at her work, and act as if she was doing work the whole time, but the blush from being caught gives her away.

Speaking of which right now she's trying to steal some glances.

I trot over to her office, and sit in front of her desk. She quickly shuts her computer.

"You know work would be a lot easier if you weren't checking me out every 20 seconds." I whisper to her.

"I wasn't checking you out." She doesn't even look up as she tries to hide her obvious blush.

"Yes you were. I know you were."

"So?"

"So, what happened to being professional?" I ask her.

"I can still look at you and be professional."

Yeah right. Alex Cabot may come off as proper, but she's definitely got a wild imagination on her. My Alex is just full of surprises.

"You and I both know that the thoughts in your head when you look at me like that are anything but professional."

"well I cant help it. You're so beautiful, and sexy." she whispers the last word.

"well I don't want to distract you, so maybe I'll shut my door."

"or we could shut this door and I could steal a kiss." she says with a sly smiles.

I go to the door and shut it locking it. I approach her and sit on her lap. She pulls me in for a deep kiss.

Our moment is ruined when the phone on her desk starts ringing he. We're needed down at the precinct. Alex rolls her eyes saying it, because we both know Olivia will be there giving evil glares at Alex.

On queue Olivia sees us rolls her eyes glares at Alex shooting daggers at her. Then her eyes move to me they soften. Alex must see it too because her hand touches mine, and pulls me towards her a bit. I move closer to her. I still get butterflies whenever she holds my hand. Olivia rolls her eyes once again and they fall back down to the papers on her desk. Elliot comes out, and we start discussing the case with him.

We're swamped with work, so a romantic evening of relaxing and sexy time doesn't seem to be in the cards. I'm trying to get Alex's opinion on my approach, and once again I catch her deep in thought. Staring into the distance.

"baby."

There's a small smile on her face. She must be thinking about something good, so in other words not this case.

"baby."

Nothing.

I put my hand on her cheek turn her head and kiss her lips it doesn't take long for her to start kissing me back. I put my forehead to hers.

"welcome back." I whisper.

"sorry I spaced out." she says looking back at the papers.

"what are you thinking about?" I ask her.

"nothing I'm just sleepy." she picks up a folder.

I want to know what has been occupying her mind since our vacation. Usually she just tells me what she's thinking about.

"really baby what is it?"

"nothing I just didn't sleep well last night. Can we finish this?" she says in a serious tone.

I would just like to know what she's thinking. I hope it isn't bad. Well she had a smile, so it couldn't be all that bad. It's possible she could just be sleepy. I hope I didn't make her mad asking.


	3. Chapter 3

**You have been warned there will be some sexy time ahead. Don't like it Don't read it. **

Ch. 3

Alex's POV

As soon as we're home from vacation my head is racing with thoughts of my future with Casey. These thoughts are messing with me. I can't work without them popping up, I can't look at Casey without them invading my thoughts. I use to spend a lot of my time looking at Casey across the hall, and having some not so work appropriate thoughts without these day dreams of her in a beautiful gown and growing old with her also occupying my time.

I open up my computer to a picture of evidence from the crime scene of the case I'm suppose to be working on. It's a ring. I look over at Casey who types on her laptop. Without even realizing it I find myself Googling engagement rings. I'm suppose to be working, but I can't help it.

I start to once again imagine Casey wearing one of these beautiful rings. As I tell her how much I love her and that I want to m-.

Crap. I've been gazing at her in my daydream for a while.

I feel my face go warm and look down at my work. I look up a little. She's coming in my office.

Oh god the computer. Quickly I shut the lid.

"You know work would be a lot easier if you weren't checking me out every 20 seconds." she whispers

"I wasn't checking you out." I look down to hide my blush.

I know that she doesn't mind me checking her out. She says she doesn't mind it, and thinks it's cute, but I still blush like hell whenever she catches me or mentions it. I can't help but look at her. She's beautiful. I could look at her forever, and it becomes more difficult not to look at her with everyday that passes.

"Yes you were. I know you were."

"So?"

"So, what happened to being professional?" she asks.

"I can still look at you and be professional." I respond.

"You and I both know that the thoughts in your head when you look at me like that are anything but professional."

So? McCoy said we only had to be appropriate in the office. He said nothing nor does he have any say about the thoughts in my head.

"well I cant help it. You're so beautiful, and sexy."

"well I don't want to distract you, so maybe I'll shut my door."

No I don't want her to shut her door. I like to be able to look at her. Okay, I know that I need to be working instead of gazing at her and daydreaming, but I like looking at her. She's beautiful.

"or we could shut this door and I could steal a kiss." I suggest with a smile.

She shuts the door comes back and gives me a deep kiss. I place my hands on her waist and pull her closer.

As if the universe has it out for me, the phone rings it's Elliot. We make our way down to the precinct.

She's here. Terrific. Can't she just go hide in her dungeon or something until we leave. I hate when she's near Casey. If I see her and it's just me I pretend she isn't there, but it's really hard to ignore her when she's making soft eyes at my girlfriend.

We're standing across the room no where near Olivia, but I slightly pull Casey near me reminding Olivia, for the 20 millionth freaking time, that Casey is with me.

Casey loves me Olivia. She's with me. Only I'm allowed to look at her like that. She will never love you Olivia. You'll never be with her. Just go away.

Finally Elliot comes out saving us from the awkward encounter.

Later that night as we're catching up on the work we have, I'm busy yet again day dreaming.

I feel her hands on my cheek and her lips on mine drawing me out of my dream and into another one. When she releases the kiss all I want to do is kiss her more.

She starts asking whats on my mind. I just brush it off, and get back to work. I don't want to scare Casey with these thoughts I'm having it's just a day dream.

Casey and I get ready for bed she in her cute pajamas. Our bed is big enough that both of us could spread out without bothering each other, but instead we curl up right in the middle. I wrap my arms around her and she rests her head right on my chest. It's so simple, but I love it sleeping cuddled up with my Casey. I want to do this for the rest of my life. I want to wake up next to her and see that cute sleepy look she has that makes me smile. Birthdays, and holidays together. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with her, and grow old with her.

Whoa okay I'm getting way ahead of myself. What if she doesn't want that? No Alex don't think like that Casey loves you.

Friday night we always go out on a date. Tonight being Friday we leave the office on time to go get ready for our date. I take Casey to one of our favorite restaurants. Nothing too fancy. Casey likes it simple usually. It seems like the first time since we got back from vacation that we have actually spent time together and there was no talk of cases.

"I love you." I tell her.

"I love you more."

"I love you more than more." I say back.

"you're a cheese ball." she laughs.

"you're beautiful."

She smiles, and a pink blush shines on her cheeks.

After our date we head back home. We go inside our apartment, and I shut the door behind me. Casey kicks her shoes off. I come up behind her put my hands around her waist. I kiss her neck.

"well hello." she laughs a little.

My hands move to the hem of her shirt. I lightly touch under her shirt. I bite down on her pulse point. I pull her shirt up and turn her around and kiss her soft lips. Slowly we make our way to the bedroom. I lay her down on the bed, and kiss my way down her body to where her thighs meet.

"Alex." she moans.

I kiss her center and another moan falls from her lips. I pull her towards me, and push my tongue into her. My name and a string of curse words fall from her mouth. Her back arches when her release washes over. I crawl back up to her kissing my way up until we're face to face. She smiles, and I can't help but kiss her hard on the lips resting my weight on top of her. My hand travels down to her wet center. I push two fingers inside her. She lets out a gasp. My other hand goes to her breast, and I take the other one my mouth. She pushes herself into my hand. I push back putting pressure on her nerves.

"oh god, Alex yes!"

More wetness flows onto my hand.

We spend the rest of the night tangled together.

I'm the first one to wake up Casey in my arms still sleeping soundly.

My favorite part of the weekend is just being able to lay here, and be with her, and not care about anyone or anything other than me and Casey. Not having to rush out to get to the office, but instead enjoying watching her sleep.

I wonder what she dreams about. If she dreams about the future like I do. If she does is it happy? Does she see us together forever like I do?

She starts to stir awake. She makes a cute little groan and squeak as she yawns. She turns over and her knees presses into my center

Clean thoughts Alex she's not even awake yet. You have all weekend calm down.

Her green eyes flutter open. She looks up at me and smiles.

"good morning." I say.

"mm more like good night." she moans.

I laugh and lean down to kiss her on the lips. I flip us over so I'm above her.

"well someone is eager to get the weekend started." she giggles.

"I can't help it you're so beautiful, and irresistible." I press my lips to hers.


	4. Chapter 4

**Okay so this chapter wasn't posted when i originally wanted to post it. I'm starting a new semester, and then i caught a cold (you'd think in college people would learn to cover their sneezes but apparently we're all in kindergarten still -.-) anyway there may be a few errors but i just wanted to post it. Thank you so much for all your reviews and I'm glad you all like this story. I'm gonna stop talking now. Keep reading and reviewing :)**

Ch. 4

Casey's POV

I'll never understand how people get bored with their relationships. Being with Alex is never boring. Our dates are never boring, and the sex well that is the complete opposite of boring. It's like a volcano of sexiness exploding over and over again every time she touches me. Even the cheesy romantic comedies Alex chooses on Netflix aren't boring, still extremely cheesy, but not as boring. I love everything about being with Alex. I guess all those people who get bored aren't as lucky as I am to have their own gorgeous blonde.

Now if only we could completely do away with the Olivia problem, and the Susan problem we'd be all set.

We haven't had any serious issues with Olivia lately and Susan has not contacted me in months, but the thought that an issue could come out of the woodwork and disrupt the harmony is unsettling. For now though I want to enjoy the peace.

Maybe them two should get together on a magical island for an anti Casey and Alex vacation, and then all the sudden BOOM! idiot hungry sharks appear. They accidentally landed on my shark infested island, and we never hear from them again because the sharks ate them.

Hold on a second while I feel bad for having that thought... on second thought no. I really hope sharks grow legs and just find them, so we don't have to deal with them.

Being with Alex though on lazy Saturdays and Sundays, I forget all the idiots of the world. I forget the horrible evil people I prosecute. Its just her and I in that one single moment.

After a few morning shenanigans Alex gets up.

"time for breakfast." she announces putting on her robe.

Stupid robe covering up her amazing body.

I start to get up out of bed.

"no no you keep your cute butt right there. I'll make breakfast." she says with a kiss.

She comes back a while later with a tray, on it a plate of pancakes, and bacon, and two mugs of coffee.

Alex is the sweetest she does this every weekend treats me to breakfast in bed. I sit cuddled in her arms, and enjoy the breakfast.

"I love you." I say.

"I love you too."

"I really love you."

Jake always mocks me whenever I talk about Alex, and says that I've turned into a soft mushy gushy girl. To which I remind him I am in fact a girl, and go back to talking about Alex. I probably make him sick with how much I talk about Alex, but I can't help it she's sweet, and thoughtful, and so wonderful. Oh god I get butterflies just thinking about her.

My aunt Cathy loves Alex, and always asks about her when we talk on the phone. Alex and I make frequent visits to her and my uncle Barry's house for dinner. Cathy always comments on how sweet and adorable we are together. Then starts a string of questions once again. You'd think after four months of knowing Alex she'd have run out, but I guess not.

"you are so beautiful." Alex whispers centimeters from my lips.

She kisses my lips, and pulls me closer to her. I hear the rattle of the fork on my plate. My breakfast tray just balancing on my lap.

I try to get her attention so we don't have our bed smelling like maple syrup.

"mm babe." I try to muffle over the kiss.

She moves closer to me pulling me urgently into the beautiful kiss.

"babe-"

Squish.

She releases my lips, and looks at her maple syrup covered arm.

"don't knock over the tray." I say with a bit of a laugh.

"damn it."

Classic Alex. So turned on she doesn't even know what's going on.

She gets up to pick the plate up.

"well you got what you wanted." I say to her.

"What?" she asks.

"you got sweet deliciousness." I laugh.

"you're not funny." she tries to hold her laugh.

She leaves the room to the kitchen while I strip the bed of the maple syrup covered blankets.

"yes I am." I call out.

"nope."

She comes back in the room.

"it's not my fault you get so horny you can't even hear." I say.

"well maybe if you weren't so sexy." she comes close to me.

"don't blame me for your inability to avoid sticky situations."

She rolls her eyes.

"you're really not funny."

"I was going to invite you for a shower, but now I don't know if I want to." I stick my tongue out at her.

"I'll just enjoy my hot steamy shower all to myself." I tease her knowing Alex Cabot cannot resist a hot shower with me.

Hands come up to my waist. I giggle.

"you're not being very nice." she whispers into my ear.

"yeah?"

"so if you're not being nice why am I the one being punished with no shower?"

"because you said I wasn't funny."

"you laughed at me though."

Somehow with her sweet talking Alex finds her way into the shower with me.

"I love you." she kisses me under the stream of water.

"I love you." she repeats.

"you said that already." I say.

"so? I love you." she runs kisses down my neck and presses me between her body and the tile wall.

Sunday night Cathy invites us over for dinner. It's nice that for once I don't have to cook. Granted with a few cooking lessons Alex has gotten to a point where she can make pancakes, bacon, and pasta and manage to not light the kitchen on fire, she's still no chef. I am determined to get her away from frozen dinners for good though.

When we get there Cathy greets us with hugs. Cathy is the kind of person that always greets you as if she hasn't seen you for years. Barry peels his eyes from the game when a commercial comes on to come hug us. I sit back with him to watch the game.

"I'd ask how you are-" Cathy says.

"shhhhhhhh." Barry and I both say to her.

When the game finishes dinner is ready.

"alright Alex and I worked hard on this." Cathy says laying out the plates of chicken.

I look at the plate of food. Beautifully prepared chicken and vegetables.

"what?" Cathy asks.

"Is this your way of breaking it you need a sudden kitchen renovation?" I ask her jokingly and then laugh.

"Casey you're so mean. It was one time." Alex throws her napkin at me.

"be nice to your girlfriend she worked hard on this while you two were busy screaming at people inside the television." Cathy mocks Barry and I.

"now if I remember correctly you light a stove on fire and a microwave twice when you were younger, so you shouldn't be talking." Cathy adds.

After my making fun of Alex, Cathy starts telling an embarrassing story about me to Alex who laughs.

Thanks for giving her ammo Cathy. I'll never hear the end of any of this.

"Cathy." I groan.

"oh Casey relax. You were adorable." she says and continues.

"sure, but I doubt Alex wants to hear about me as a kid."

"oh no I love hearing about you as a kid. You laugh about me lighting the stove on fire, and I get to hear about you being a cute adorable kid." Alex says placing a peck on my cheek.

Oh well it was worth a shot.

With work in the morning we leave after helping to clean the dinner mess.

"thank you so much for dinner." Alex says to my aunt and uncle.

Cathy gives me me a hug again acting as if she's not going to see me again for years.

"any time. We love having you two over." Cathy holds her arms open to Alex.

Alex hesitates a bit before accepting the hug.

Cathy likes Alex a lot and wants her to feel comfortable around the family. Alex never really talks about her family much, maybe they weren't hugging people even on a good day. Where as both sides of my family always hugs, well with the exception of Susan who fake hugs.

The whole ride home Alex teases me.

We get home and settle in bed for the night. She still teases me I kiss her on the lips which quiets her.

"you know how to shut a girl up." she says with a smile.

"I don't like when you tease me."

"you tease me all the time."

"I'm sorry baby. I wont tease you anymore."

"okay then no more teasing about how I can't cook, or how I like to be organized, or my movie choices."

I sigh.

"I only tease you because I love you." I kiss her lips.

"I love you too even when you tease me."


	5. Chapter 5

**Hello my lovely readers. I've gotten alot of messages asking about Susan's character. Now just to clear everything up Susan is Casey's mother (if you're not familiar with Casey's mother's story line yet that is covered in Hell or High Water). I'm not yet sure how much she will be in this fic, but then again who really knows you'll just have to wait and see ;) Anyway thank you so much for your continued support on this fic. Please enjoy this next chapter and leave some reviews.**

Ch.5

Alex's POV

Sitting in my office spending time on a jewelry site has become an everyday thing for me. I'm starting to get good at making sure Casey doesn't know. I feel bad every time I hit that red X on a window as she comes in my office. I'm not doing anything bad, but not telling Casey makes me feel like a bad girlfriend. We always tell each other everything.

I'm sure I'm not the first to be secretly looking at rings and fantasizing about my Casey walking down the isle in a beautiful dress. She's going to be so beautiful and happy and perfect. She is just so beautiful in every way possible. Her smile. How did I ever live without that smile. I could never live without that smile. She isn't in the office today and I already miss her smile. I can't wait to go home and see her.

"Hello Alex. Alex." a voice yanks me out of my thoughts of Casey.

Oh god Olivia. The only thing that I don't want to visualize right now.

I keep my eyes closed and my thoughts on my beautiful Casey.

"are you sleeping?"

I'm ignoring you.

"Alex?"

"can I help you with something detective?"

"yeah you can do your job. I need a warrant."

"excuse you."

She mumbles something.

I can't help but roll my eyes. She is still jealous if that wasn't obvious already. I'm done with the back and forth with her.

"Detective if you would excuse me. I have to go ask for a warrant." I ignore her question.

"just make sure you get it." she says.

That was the goal, but at the end of the day it's the judges decision. No one has to like it.

Getting the warrant ends up not being a problem, but of course Olivia needs to make some comment as soon as I walk in the squad room.

"took you long enough." she spits.

I shake my head and walk away. I don't get the warrant and some how it's my fault, or I get the warrant I take too long. There is no middle ground with her.

"you know with as long as it took you to get this warrant I could've caught this guy." she calls out.

I stop in my foot steps and turn. Her eyes are staring daggers at me as she approaches me.

It's official I've lost my patience with her. She really is incapable of growing up and keeping personal things out of work. We work to help people to help victims of awful crimes and get these criminals off the streets. No offense to anyone but we aren't flipping burgers here. This is a serious job that should not be taking a back seat to her resentment towards me and crush on my Casey.

"Olivia you need to grow up. I am here for one thing and that is to do my job, not argue with you. This is not high school. I don't have time for drama or jealousy. Enough is enough give it up." I leave her with that and exit the squad room.

My blood pressure is as high as possible. My heart is racing and I feel like I'm going to blow up.

Deep breaths Alex. Deep soothing breaths. You just need to think of the beach with Casey. Your happy place with waves and warmth and your beautiful girlfriend in a bikini. No none of those thoughts of Casey in a bathing suit with her sexy body- No stop behave Alex! Clean thoughts. There's plenty of time for those thoughts later.

I let out one last breath and start walking back to the office.

"how was your day?" Casey asks over dinner.

"fine. I missed the cute red head across the hall though."

Her cheeks blush making me smile. I take her hand in mine.

"everything okay baby?" she asks me.

"yeah. I'm fine."

"no I know when something's bothering you. Is it the case?"

"no. I had to deal with Olivia today. Nothing too bad just her usual stupidity."

"I'm sorry."

None of the Olivia problem is Casey's fault. It's mine. I know Olivia. I know that this isn't just about Casey. She still has a lot of anger towards me and how our relationship ended, plus her crush on Casey,. However, at the end of the day should a bad breakup and Casey choosing me really cause so many problems in a professional setting.

"it's not your fault baby." I kiss her hand.

"it's not yours either."

Yes it is. I decided to drink and distance myself from Olivia when I came back from Witness protection. Granted our breaking up did lead me to my beautiful Casey, but at the end of the day I did make a choice. I can't stand that Casey thinks it's her fault. I just got her mixed up in it and I feel horrible. She and Olivia use to be such great friends and then as soon as Casey and I started seeing each other it all went to hell.

"it's not." she emphasizes and squeezes my hand.

"maybe I should just confront Olivia and tell her to lay off."

No I don't want Casey anywhere near her. After all the things she's done and said to Casey. None of her actions can be excused. She knows right and wrong but hurt Casey anyway.

"no that's not a good idea. I think we just need to let her get over it."

I'm not going to put Casey through anymore of Olivia's crap. Who knows what Olivia would say to her.

"so how was your day?" I ask changing the subject.

"perfect."

"what made it so perfect?"

"I got to wake up next to you."

Her words make me smile as I can't help but agree with her. Nothing makes my day more than being able to go to sleep at night and wake up with her right there. I just love Casey so much. She's the most wonderful and sweetest person in the world. She makes my bad days good and I can't imagine life without her. I never want this happiness to end. I want to make her happy always and I can't see my life ever going any other way.

Maybe I should just do it. I should ask her to marry me. I want to spend my life with her there's no question about that. Has it only been 8 months? Well yes, but I do love her so much why should that even matter. I love her more than anyone could ever love. I couldn't live without her, she's more important than the air I breathe.

We don't have to get married tomorrow, though I would not object to that at all, but I don't know how much longer I should wait to ask her. The truth is I can't wait to tell her, and let her know how much she means to me and that I want to be with her forever.

I'm excited and nervous and happy. I've never felt this way ever and it's amazing. I've never loved anyone as I love her. She still gives me butterflies in my stomach and even thinking about her makes me smile. I just hope that she feels the same way and I'm doing the right thing.

But what if she doesn't want that? Maybe I don't make her happy.

No Alex shut up. Casey loves you. She loves you a lot. Did you not hear her say that her day was perfect just because she woke up next to you.

Why would she ever love me though? Such a perfect, beautiful, smart and strong woman, what could she ever see in me that would make her want to spend her life with me.

Alex shut up. You're psyching yourself out. Remember that saying you are your biggest critic. Get yourself together. Casey loves you.


	6. Chapter 6

**Hello lovely readers. This is a repost I have no idea what nonsense ended up getting posted before hopefully this time works. Yes this chapter is overdue. I know, but I've had the worst writers block imaginable. I have an idea where I want this fic to go it's just getting there and making it sound good that's the hard part. I will not let this block get to me though as this fic must go on. So please read and review and enjoy this lovely chapter.**

Ch. 6 Casey's POV

Alex is still acting rather strange fading off into her dream world. Over the past few days this only seems to intensify. Whenever I ask her what she's thinking about her response is…

"how beautiful you are."

"how much I love you."

"that I'm the luckiest woman in the universe to have you."

Of course me with my inner teenage girl, who's over the moon in love with her and writing Alex+Casey=Love in hearts all over my notebook, I always fall weak to her words. I forget everything going on around me. Alex's voice is like magic. Anything she says is like a beautiful song.

Then a few hours later, after she's managed to distract me with a date and some sexy time, I realize that her plan to avert my attention from trying to get to the bottom of her intense thoughts has worked.

I really do want to know what's occupying her mind so intensely. I highly doubt she spends all that time thinking about me. I'm not that beautiful or interesting.

After a long day in court, missing Alex, and dealing with the biggest idiots, to put it nicely, in the court systems, I find Alex acting somewhat stressed. Alex being Alex has to say something charming and sweet almost distracting me.

Wow she's so amazing her voice is like a waterfall of beautiful angel songs. She looks so beautiful today. Her hair is so shiney and her lips, oh god they're so kissable I want to kiss her so bad right now.

No Casey not this again. Yes Alex's words are making your muscles turn to Jell-O and you're hypnotized by her never ending beauty, but you need to know what's bothering her. Starring at her all googly eyes is not going to fix what ever has her stressed.

Of course it's something to do with Olivia. Honestly I don't know why Olivia still continues to stress Alex out like this. I feel horrible because until I told her Alex was my girlfriend she was at least civil around Alex for the most part. Now she's just being flat out ridiculous and Alex gets very stressed easily and I don't want Olivia to add to the stress Alex already has.

I offer to talk to Olivia and Alex says flat out no. Alex is very protective of me and after the things Olivia's said to me before I don't blame her, but I wish that she would let me stick up for her like she does for me. I'm trying to take her feelings into consideration since I myself was none too happy when she talked to Olivia last time she upset me, but it's hard to sit here and see Alex being stressed. I want to make it all better for her. If Olivia keeps on acting this way I may not have a choice but to confront her, because she needs to grow up.

In the morning we spend a good twenty minutes wrapped in each others arms and enjoying just gazing into each others eyes. No words just enjoying each others presence. I wish this would never end, but the alarm clock goes off signaling that it's time to get ready. I really need to consider finding a career that I can do in my pajamas and spending 99% of the time just looking at Alex. As if I don't already spend a good amount of time distracted by her beauty when I'm at the office.

"I don't want to leave this bed." she whispers and pulls me closer kissing my cheek.

"me either."

"I'd much rather stay here with you." she kisses down my neck and to my chest biting down ever so slightly making me moan.

"doing this." she adds.

As much as we'd both love to just spend the day together without a care, I have paper work to catch up on and Alex has some things to do at the courthouse.

When I get to work and enter my office I see, to my surprise, a vase of flowers on my desk. My heart melts and a tiny excited squeak escapes from me. Alex loves doing sweet things for me and I can't help but get all giddy when she does them.I may not have my sexy blonde across the hall today, but her sweet flowers are beautiful too.

The day couldn't possibly be any longer. When I finish the last of my work I don't hesitate to pack my things up and leave before anyone can stop me with some other task.

I get home and let out an exhausted sigh. Seeing Alex's bag in the hall I call out to

"hey baby." I call out.

A wave of herbs and the smell of spaghetti sauce fills my senses.

"something smells amazing."

I walk down the hall and the sight before me is something I was not expecting, Alex is in an apron cooking. She's mixing the spaghetti sauce has a pot of pasta boiling, not burning, but boiling. She watches everything carefully not fully aware of my presence.

"what are you making?

She jumps frightened.

"hey." she smiles brightly.

"do my eyes deceive me? The Alex Cabot cooking?" I joke.

"no making fun of the cook." she states.

"what's on the menu chef?"

"well I know you like egg plant parm, and I got out of court early so I went and got the stuff and I'm trying. It's not perfect. I- I wanted to surprise you. If you don't like it I can make something else, or order-" she rambles.

"it smells great baby. I'm sure it tastes good too."

She has me try some.

"this is a very nice surprise. Have you been buttering me up all day?" I ask her.

"what?" she asks lost.

"all the surprises."

By her expression she's acting as if she has no idea.

"come on Alex. I know it was you."

"what was?"

"the flowers."

"what flowers?"

"the flowers you sent me. Purple ones in a vase on my desk." I remind her.

Her face turns red.

"I didn't send you flowers today." she says

"you didn't? They were on my desk when I got there this morning."

Alex loves to surprise me with flowers at the apartment from time to time, I just assumed she had slipped into my office and left them for me.

"n- no. Who sent you flowers?"

"Are you sure you didn't order them and forget?" I ask her.

"no. I swear Casey I mean I love giving you flowers, but-" she starts stuttering.

It's obvious the flowers weren't from her. She's getting upset about it. I don't want her to stress or get upset either.

"it's probably just a wrong address or something. Don't worry. I'll call the flower shop tomorrow." I hug her trying to calm her.

"okay." she says.

I really hope it was just a mistake because I don't want Alex to start jumping to the conclusion I know she's jumping to. Which is Olivia.

"I love you." I say to her.

"please don't stress over this. You know how much I love you baby."

"I know. I love you too. More than anything in the world."

She sets the table and we sit together.

She nervously watches as I take a fork full.

"are you going to watch me eat the whole time or are you going to enjoy your dinner too?" I ask.

"I just want it to taste good and you to like it."

"do you like it?" she asks softly when I take a bite.

"I love it. I'll never make fun of your cooking again."

She takes a breath of relief and smiles.

Knowing Alex she's not going to let this flower thing go. I can't help, but admit that I'm jumping to the Olivia conclusion a bit too. I hope it's not Olivia, I don't want Alex to be upset the way Olivia makes her.


	7. Chapter 7

**O.O two updates in two days. It must be Christmas. I just found myself feeling very generous and able to kill some time, so here is Chapter 7. Hope you love it.**

Ch. 7 Alex's POV

I love my job don't get me wrong, but sometimes the biggest relief in the world is at the end of a long day at court. I get to finally relax and go home to Casey. I always miss her when one of us is in court. I know that sounds bad considering we live and work together and spend most of our time together, but I can't help it. I love being around her and seeing her and talking to her. I don't feel right when I'm not with her, like I'm missing a part of myself whe she's somewhere else.

I get out of court and It's still a little early for Casey to sneak out of work, but too late to surprise her with lunch.

I end up at home with everything to make one of Casey's favorite meals. Cathy had told me that egg plant parm is one of Casey's favorite dishes. It's a long shot that this will end well. After this I may need a wig, or we may need a new kitchen, or a new apartment building all together. Either way Casey will never let me live it down if this ends badly, but I want to try for her. If worse comes to worse I can always order out and try to pretend like this never happened. I'm sure that she's not going to want to spend her life cooking for me, and it's about time I learn to make something that isn't microwavable or cereal.

Carefully following the instructions Cathy wrote for me, I attempt to cook. I like cooking for Casey this is fun. I try to watch everything like a hawk. I'm the master when it comes to burning things. I swear I could burn ice and that's without even trying.

Watching the clock the time gets closer when Casey should be home. Everything has gone smoothly so far. Nothing burnt I used a big knife and managed to keep all my fingers intact.

I'm so focused that I don't even hear Casey come in the door. I start wondering if this was a good idea. Too late. She startles me. No turning back now. Of course in her usual fashion she has to do a bit of teasing at the site of me cooking.

"well I know you like egg plant parm, and I got out of court early so I went and got the stuff and I'm trying. It's not perfect. I- I wanted to surprise you. If you don't like it I can make something else, or order-" I go on.

She reassures me that it smells great and even tries some of the sauce I made.

"this is a very nice surprise. Have you been buttering me up all day?" I ask her.

Buttering her up?

"what?"

"all these surprises."

Surprises? I mean this morning was amazing as is any morning that I wake up next to Casey, but I'm almost certain that's not what she's referring to.

She then tells me that this morning a vase of flowers arrived on her desk. I've been known to forget some things, but I'd remember sending her flowers.

"I didn't send you flowers today."

"you didn't? They were on my desk."

I'm always cautious when I have them delivered. After Casey almost had a heart attack once when I did send them to the office, and then she told me of when she was attacked by a guy posing as a flower delivery guy. I now bring them myself, or leave them with the doorman. I don't want to scare her like that ever again.

If I didn't send her flowers someone did. Someone sent my Casey flowers. What if she had seen the delivery guy and got scared again?

"Are you sure you didn't order them and forget?"

I definitely didn't send those flowers, but someone did. Someone sent Casey flowers.

She tries to say it was probably a wrong address, but my mind starts racing with every thought possible.

Someone sent her flowers. Someone, not me sent my Casey flowers.

No it was a wrong address. Stop getting so confrontational with people over Casey. She's with you right? She loves you. You don't even know if someone intentionally sent her flowers. It might've been an accident.

Olivia's been rather quiet in her fight to somehow woo Casey. What if she sent them? Alex shut up. Olivia didn't send her flowers. You're getting way ahead of yourself. Just like Casey said it was probably a wrong address or a mix up. Maybe they came from the flower shop you order from and the name sounded familiar or the system crashed. Yeah that's it.

No one but you can send Casey flowers. Focus on dinner and let the flower thing go.

We sit at the table and I serve the food. I want Casey to like it. I hope I at least did this meal some justice. I get anxious as she picks up a fork full.

"are you going to watch me eat the whole time or are you going to enjoy your dinner too?"

You're being ridiculous. Let Casey enjoy her meal and forget the stupid flower thing.

"I just want it to taste good and you to like it."

I continue to watch her eat waiting for a reaction of the first bite.

She ends up liking the meal and finishes every last bite and promises to never make fun of my cooking skills or lack there of.

"that was delicious baby."

"are you sure? If you didn't like it-."

"Alex. I loved it. You need to give yourself more credit and relax baby."

While Casey sleeps I'm still awake struggling to forget about the flowers that are sitting in her office. I don't know why I'm worried about it when it was probably just a wrong address.

On Thursday Casey has to go to her softball practice. I think it's the perfect time to call Jake and ask him if proposing is a good idea. He knows Casey the best. I think he would know if she'd like to be proposed to.

"alright baby I'll be back in a while." she kisses me.

"I love you." I kiss her once more.

"I love you too."

As soon as she leaves I go through my phone and find Jake's number.

Am I doing the right thing? I don't want him to think I'm crazy or moving to quickly. He was with Rachel for three years before he asked her to marry him. Casey and I haven't even been together a year.

What if they don't like me enough to let me marry Casey? What if they're just hoping I'm a fling or something?

My finger touches the call button anyway though and I put my phone to my ear.


	8. Chapter 8

**Alright so this is more like Chapter 7 part 2. For what ever reason only half of chapter 7 posted and I only just realized it and I am so sorry about that. Fanfiction has been messing with my postings lately so I apologize for that. Hopefully it wont happen again, but if it does I will try and fix it. So please enjoy this half of Chapter 7. **

Ch. 8 Alex's POV

The phone rings a few times. It's 2:30 in Chicago right now. I know for a fact that Jake and Rachel's school gets out at 2. I made sure to double check as I didn't want to catch him at a bad time with such a serious phone call.

What if he laughs at me? Please don't laugh at me. I don't want him to just hang up either. What if he thinks I'm not good enough for Casey? Or says that he doesn't want a drunk marrying his cousin.

I don't know if Jake even knows about my drinking. If he does I'll make sure to tell him I haven't had a drink in months, and I've never drank around Casey, and I will never ever drink again. I love Casey far too much to ever go back to drinking.

"Hello." his voice comes through the phone.

Crap. What do I say?

"Hi Jake." I manage not to stutter.

"Alex. Nice to hear from you."

I'm paused for a second. Speak Alex. Damn it speak. Words. Make words.

"is everything okay? Is Casey okay?" he asks.

"yes yes Casey's fine. She's at her softball practice right now." I stutter a little.

"are you okay?" he asks concerned.

"yeah I'm okay."

"oh thank god."

How do I even ask this. Maybe I should've practiced before picking up the phone.

"Jake I need to ask you something important. I want you to be honest with me. Please."

"alright."

Here I am dumb founded and no words are coming out of my mouth. Earth to Alex. Say something. Ask him. You want to marry Casey and this is the first step. So open your mouth and say something.

"I love Casey."

Oh great nice start genius.

"I know." Jake says with a hint of a giggle.

"and- and…"

And you want to marry her. Say it. Oh my god who gave me a phone? They need to take it away until I am able to form a complete sentence.

"and I would love very much to marry her."

"there it is. You want to marry my cousin and you're calling to see if proposing is a good idea?"

His voice doesn't sound mad or upset like I thought it might. It sounds rather joyful and happy.

"yes."

"well I think it's great. Casey loves you so much Alex. Trust me she tells me every time she talks to me. You're good for her and I see how much you love her. You make her happy. She really hadn't been herself in years, and now that she's with you, well I think you bring out the best in her."

I start tearing up.

"if you'd like to propose to her Alex then I think you should."

"okay. Please don't mention this to her."

"my lips are sealed."

We finish the phone conversation and I break into tears. Not sad tears, happy ones. I'm going to do it. I'm actually going to ask Casey to spend the rest of our lives together.

How do I ask her though? Where? When? What kind of ring should I ask her with. It needs to be absolutely perfect. Everything about it needs to be exact.

But where do I even start? I've never proposed to anyone, nor have I been this in love with someone. I mean even trying to plan out dates now I stress out because I want it to be perfect. Casey doesn't deserve anything less than that. How am I going to make a proposal perfect?

I'm going to ask her though. This is real life and I'm going to ask her to marry me. If she says yes then I'm going to be honored with spending the rest of my life with the most beautiful, smart and warm hearted woman in the world. I can't imagine my life without her, and I just want to spend it with her. I want to be by her side forever and grow old with her.

When I hear the door lock being turned, I finally realize I've been dancing and jumping to no music for over an hour because of how happy and excited I am. She's going to ask me why I'm dancing and then I have to brush it off, and I don't know if I can because I'm so excited and also so bad at keeping secrets. How is it possible to not be excited and jumping up and down like an excited child?

I make a dive for the couch trying to act cool.

"baby I'm home." her voice fills my ears.

My heart starts racing when she walks into the living room in her softball uniform.

"h-." I make an attempt to speak.

If I didn't think I could make a proper sentence an hour ago asking Jake if I should propose, well now there are no words to be made now.

"miss me?" she asks with her cute smile.

I get up and approach her. I kiss her lips my tongue brushes her bottom lip. We don't let go until we're both in desperate need of air.

"well I'll take that as a yes."

I pull her closer to me.

"baby I'm all sweaty and gross."

"then maybe I should get you in the shower." I push her shirt up.

She makes that cute giggle as I rid her of her shirt.

"I must've been very missed."

I lead us to the shower and turn the faucet on extra hot. I rid her of the rest of her clothes.

"I think you're a bit over dressed for the occasion." she whispers.

Her hands go to the buttons on my blouse and undoes them one by one. As soon as she gets my clothes off, I push us under the spray of water. I resume the kiss. Her arms go around me as she kisses me back. I can't help but smile at how happy I am. My hands move from her breasts down to her hips.

"looks like you really really missed me."

I kiss down her neck and place kisses along her chest. A moan falls from her lips as I move my hand and my fingers lightly brush over her center, her legs parting. My teeth graze over her nipple drawing out another moan. I bite down ever so slightly drawing out another moan.

I push two of my fingers inside her wetness.

"Alex."

I curl my fingers inside her and move my lips to her other breast. Her walls start gripping my fingers not wanting them to leave her. Her breaths get more rapid as I lower my kisses down her stomach and place my lips to her nerves. In her normal fashion she calls out my name and curse words.

I come back up and look deep in her beautiful green eyes.

"I really really missed you." I laugh and kiss her once more.

Saturday I am going to look at rings. I have to tell Casey I'm going shoe shopping. If Casey avoids anything like the plague it's shoe shopping with me. Well any shopping really, but especially shoe shopping. She says that I take too long to pick out a pair and I have to try them all on when I have a million pairs already, which is far from true.

"are you sure you don't want to come?" I ask her.

I don't want her to get suspicious of me. Normally I like to go everywhere with Casey.

She's curled up on the couch with her pajamas on and the television on.

"no thank you. I have big plans which are to sit in my pajamas catch up on work and my shows." she says sipping her coffee.

"alright then I'll be back later. I love you." I kiss her.

There's nothing I'd love more than to have a pajama day with Casey today, but I need to do this. I need to find the perfect ring and knowing how I am when it comes to getting something for Casey, I am especially picky and it's going to take a while. There's no way I'm going to rush this and wined up picking the wrong ring for her. She could wear this on her hand for the rest of our lives. It needs to be perfect.

Looking in the jewelry cases is intimidating. So many different rings, styles and cuts. More than I could ever imagine. With so many what if I pick the wrong one? What if she hates the ring. I should know Casey the best. She's the love of my life and my best friend I should know her better than anyone else. Why does it feel like any ring I look at doesn't even begin to match up to how much I love her and how much she means to me?

After being in over six different stores I come up empty. Of course I never expected to actually purchase a ring on my first trip out, but I thought maybe I'd have an idea. Now I think that I have even less of a clue as to what kind of ring I think I should give her. I don't want to propose to her empty handed and have her pick her own ring. I want to have a ring to give her when I ask her to marry me.


	9. Chapter 9

Ch. 9 Casey's POV

That night I can tell Alex is still awake, and I know her mind is on the flowers. I should've kept my big mouth shut about them. Normally Alex is all excited over a surprise and is quick to ask if I liked it, if it was the right thing. When she didn't say something I should've known right then that they weren't from her.

The next afternoon, while Alex is in court, I call the flower shop. The florist insists that the delivery was not a mistake. That the vase of flowers was meant for Casey Novak at the DA's office. They however do not give me a name of the sender because of some customer confidentiality agreement. It was probably Olivia. I can't think of anyone else doing something like this. Send flowers without a name. I throw the flowers away, I really don't want them if they were from anyone but my Alex. I especially don't want them knowing she just lost a whole night's sleep over them.

Alex comes by the office to pick me up and go home. She looks around, and without a trace of the flowers, she smiles. Good, because I don't want her to stress out over it anymore.

After yet another hectic week I have a weekend with Alex and a softball game to look foreword too. After the game I fully intend on staying in with Alex and catching up on some much needed relaxation time.

Of course as usual while in the dugout I catch her just looking at me with that daydreamy look. She's such a cheese ball. I look back at her and she winks. Damn it Alex. I'm about to handle a metal bat, the last thing I need is butterflies in my stomach. With my luck I'll swing, miss the ball, let go of the bat and hit the pitcher or spectator in the head with it. Why does she have to be so beautiful?

After the game, which by the way I kicked ass at if I do say so myself, Alex and I go out for some post game pizza. I start going on about the game and how I completely smoked the other team.

She's doing it again. She's just looking at me, with that completely adorable smile stretched across her face.

"Alex. Alex wake up." I wave my hands in front of her face.

"I don't want to."

And Jake says I'm the love sick drooling one.

"what are you thinking about?" I ask her.

"nothing. You." she smiles.

"me?"

She nods.

"why do you always do that?" I ask her.

"because I love you so much."

"I mean the day dreaming. You've been doing it a lot lately."

"oh umm I don't know." she shakes her head and goes back to her food.

Clearly it's something or it wouldn't have been on her mind these past few weeks. I just want to know what it is.

"what are you daydreaming about?"

"nothing."

"no, it's not nothing."

"how about we go home. I'm sure you could use a massage after your game." she says with a wink.

That sounds amazing. My shoulders ache and Alex's hands on my body after a game is always nice. Wait a second. She's trying to distract me again. Oh but a massage from her sounds so good right now.

"only if you tell me what's going on in that head of yours."

Good a compromise I get to know what's going on in her head and I get that massage.

"nothing is going on in my head."

Why wont she just tell me what it is. She always tells me what she's thinking. Why is that all the sudden not the case.

"are you sure?"

"yes yes I'm sure. I just like to look at you and think about you."

I narrow my eyes trying to read her. Still she's got that love sick look on her.

"can I kiss you?" she asks.

"you know you don't have to ask." I lean over and kiss her lips.

The next weekend, I manage to completely avoid an Alex Cabot shoe shopping trip. She asks me to go with her, but I tell her no. I love Alex, but she has a serious shoe problem. Well a shopping problem in general, but with a concentration on shoe especially. I can't tell you how many hours I've spent going in every store ever created. It's like a nightmare. However, I stick it out for her most of the time, but not this weekend, I intend to spend the day in my pajamas eating junk food and planning a surprise for Alex.

All summer I've wanted to take her camping. As a favorite summer thing of mine growing up, I want to share that with Alex. However, Alex being Alex and having a rather awful relationship with the outdoors, I've been trying to figure out all summer how I can convince her to go camping. This is going to take alot convincing to get her to go camping. With the holiday weekend approaching and three days off work it's perfect. I just hope she wont get mad at me for planning this without her.

She comes home looking exhausted. She's surprisingly not carrying any shopping bags. On a typical shopping trip we have at least three big bags. Seeing her with just her purse is nothing short of a shock.

"did you get robbed?" I ask her.

She quiet as she kicks off her heels in the middle of the hall a non-Alex behavior.

"Alex?"

"what?"

"you went shopping I thought."

"oh yeah. I didn't see anything I liked." she sits next to me and slumps down.

Her mind is clearly somewhere else. She looks like she does when she's lost a case or had a hard day at work, defeated and exhausted. I wrap my arms around her.

"is everything okay?" I ask her hoping she'll be honest with me.

"yes."

Maybe planning this trip was a bad idea.

"I missed you." she kisses me.

"are you sure you're okay?"

I don't want her to avoid this like she has with the day dreaming thing. If something's wrong I want to know.

"yes. I'm just mad I- I didn't find the perfect- the perfect shoes." she stutters.

"there will be other shoes promise."

"are you sure this is about shoes?"

"yes. I'm being ridiculous. I'm sorry. How was your day?" she puts a smile on her face.

"fine. I umm I have a surprise."

"what is it?" she asks excitedly.

Okay please let her have that same reaction when I tell her we're spending two nights sleeping in a tent in the outdoors.

"well umm since we have a long weekend I figured we could have one last get away, you know before it gets cold."

"where do you want to go? We can go anywhere you want to go."

"well I already found some place to go."

"where do you want to go?"

"well I thought that maybe this weekend we could go camping. I'm sorry." I apologize instantly.

"no no don't be sorry. That sounds great honey. I know you and your uncle and Jake always talk about camping, and it sounds fun."

That went better than expected. I thought she might hate it and refuse to go.

"we'll just need to get supplies and sleeping bags and bear repellant, toilet paper-." she starts rambling to herself.

I start giggling.

"baby there's no such thing as bear repellant and it's a camping ground. There's bathrooms with plumbing and toilet paper. I promise I'm not taking you in the middle of no where."

She takes a breath.

"okay we'll go. It'll be fun." she smiles.

Over the past few days, Alex has made it her mission to get anything we could possibly need and then some. She's more stocked than a hospital and the Red Cross combined. You'd think we're going on this trip just to get hurt and drink water.

"okay I think we need one more blanket." she says going to the closet in search of blankets.

"Alex, we have four blankets, plus our sleeping bags. We'll be plenty warm. Plus we'll be able to keep each other warm if need be." I kiss her neck.

"I don't want to forget anything." she says.

I do have to admit she is kind of adorable trying to prepare for this trip. Packing literally everything and anything possible. I want this to be relaxing for us. It's probably our last vacation until Christmas, if you can even count that craziness as a relaxing vacation. Please nature be nice to my Alex I don't want her to be stressed out. Do not let any crawly things Alex considers ugly to come in our tent.


	10. Chapter 10

**Hello lovely readers. To answer the popular question yes you will find out who sent the flowers! Thank you so much for your continued support on this fic it means so much *virtual hug to all of you* Keep reading and reviewing.**

Ch. 10 Alex's POV

At the end of a long day trying to get an idea of an engagement ring for Casey, I come up completely empty. I thought I might have some clue. But after seeing how many rings there are, I think I might have less of a clue than I did this morning. Why are there so many rings? I didn't even know there could be so many. One cannot begin to conceptualize the amount of engagement rings that exist in one little jewelry store. Different bands, different diamond cuts, different meanings. It's alot of things going on for a ring.

I'm overwhelming myself, I know that, but this is a big deal. This ring could make or break this. What if she hates the ring and says no? Or worse what if she laughs at me? I make this nice speech and propose put it all out there my heart and soul only to have her laugh and call me a dork. Not only that but say no. She calls me a dork to tease me, it's kind of our joke and she doesn't really mean it meanly, but what if she thinks I'm a complete loser for this?

Damn it I'm doing it again. I'm psyching myself out. I need to stop doing that and make my mind shut up. I use to make my mind shut up pretty well with a drink, but of course I'm not doing that anymore. As much as I want my mind to shut up I can't drink that's just not an option for me, and not worth it. I can't betray Casey like that. I'd rather psych myself out than betray Casey and touch a drop of alcohol. Then she'd really think I was a loser. If I really want a shot at Casey saying yes to marrying me then I can never even consider drinking again.

When I get home I feel down and out. My mind still screaming at me telling me that she's going to say no, and I'll pick the wrong ring.

Her voice brings me out of my thoughts though.

I sit on the couch next to her and give her a kiss telling her I missed her. She's concerned about me. I try to divert it telling her I couldn't find a pair of shoes. It works I guess, because then she tells me she has a surprise.

She starts talking about a long weekend getaway. I promise her that anywhere she wants to go I'll take her. I would take her anywhere she wants. Europe, South America, Asia, Africa, Australia, hell if she wanted to go to Antarctica to see penguins I'd take her.

"well I already found some place to go."

"where do you want to go?"

"well I thought that maybe this weekend we could go camping."

Camping. I've never been camping in my life, or had an experience even close to camping. The outdoors and I do not get along at all. I can honestly say my only exposure to camping is Survivor.

Casey and Barry always talk about camping when they're together, as Casey and her family use to go when she was young. I said I'd take Casey anywhere in the world and if she wants to go camping then I'll take her camping. I will make a truce with nature to make Casey happy.

"I'm sorry." she adds.

"no no don't be sorry. That sounds great honey. I know you and your uncle and Jake always talk about camping, and it sounds fun."

I start to think about how camping sounds. It's not a hotel they don't have soaps and towels. We have to bring everything it's in the middle of the woods.

"We'll just need to get supplies and sleeping bags and bear repellant, toilet paper-." I start listing things off.

She starts teasing me about how bear repellant doesn't exist and ensures me that bears shouldn't be an issue.

When she falls asleep I take it upon myself to Google about camping. I want to be prepared. What if something happens, or a bear really does show up? I need to protect my Casey and if bear repellant isn't a thing, which it should be, I need a plan B.

Going into the pharmacy I get anything and everything I can. I don't want to forget anything. No one will have a good time if we are out of the essentials.

"baby we don't need four packs of band-aids. It's three days."

"we need extras just in case you never know." I say trying to find extra blankets.

"Alex, we have four blankets, plus our sleeping bags. We'll be plenty warm. Plus we'll be able to keep each other warm if need be." she kisses my neck.

"I don't want to forget anything."

She giggles.

"I'm sorry."

"it's alright baby. You don't need to worry or get anxious. You've been so anxious lately I want this to be fun and for you to relax."

I take a deep breath. I need to relax. I'm so worked up from trying to find Casey the perfect ring that I've become obsessed with trying to make everything perfect for her.

The night before we leave I can barely sleep. I'm nervous and excited to go camping. I like doing new things with Casey. Even if there's a chance I might encounter a bear I'm still excited.

"Alex. Alex. Time to wake up baby." she kisses my lips waking me from sleep.

"I might need another kiss."

She kisses me again.

"come on. Let's go, let's go." she shakes me.

After going over the lengthy check list one more time, we head out.

I am less than handy when it comes to setting up the tent. I almost poked my eye out with one of the sticks. For a vacation this is quiet a lot of work. I wish I was more handy to help Casey, but she ends up better off without me getting the tent up.

"tada!"

"I give you château Novak and Cabot." she smiles widely.

"come on let's go for a walk." she says taking my hand.

We spend the rest of our day walking around the woods. I don't let go of her hand the entire time.

"don't worry I wont let the big bad bear get you." she teases me.

Okay, so maybe I'm a little nervous we might run into a bear out here. Can you blame me? I've always lived in a city. The closest I get to nature and camping is on tv shows and some how there's always a bear or raccoon chasing the characters. Or worse a snake.

Don't think about the ugly monstrosities that nature has Alex it'll be okay. They're more scared of you than you are of them. Everything will be alright you have enough band-aids for a life time. This is suppose to be relaxing.

"I'm not worried about a bear. I just like holding your hand."

We get back to camp hungry for dinner.

"can I try to light the fire?" I ask her.

I was a complete failure with the tent and I want to do something.

"go for it. Remember stop drop and roll."

I pull her towards me.

"you're not being nice." I whisper.

"it's a safety tip." she giggles.

Why does she have to be so cute and adorable when she giggles and teases me?

"you just like to tease me."

"yes I do. Now go light that fire." she kisses my nose.

After multiple tries and failures I manage to get a flame going. It's no bon-fire, but it's something, and I didn't light myself on fire either.

"here we go."

She hands me a stick with two hotdogs on the end.

"you're letting me cook?" I tease her.

"I know I must be crazy! Just hold it over the flame." she teases back.

Maybe I'm not completely horrible at this camping thing. I light a fire and prepared food without burning it. After our hotdogs Casey brings out the s'more makings. In her usual fashion there's extra chocolate.

"this is my favorite part." she says.

She puts her head on my shoulder.

"I think I only use to go camping as a kid just to have an excuse to eat s'mores."

"thank you." I say to her.

"for what?"

"taking me on this trip. Sharing this with me."

It means alot to me when Casey shares her favorite things or memories with me. It makes me hope that we can make our own memories someday that will become her favorite.

When we've filled ourselves with the delicious s'mores and the mosquitos start to take over along with chilled air, we retreat to the tent. I slip into some sweats and into the sleeping bag. Casey comes in and undresses.

Clean thoughts Alex.

She's so beautiful, it makes me wonder how I got so lucky. Beautiful and amazing and all mine.

She gives me a side smile as if she knows what I'm thinking. I try to cover up my smile hiding my face under the blanket.

She climbs into our sleeping bag next to me. That's when I notice she's lacking clothes all together.

Wrapped in a sleeping bag keeping Casey warm. I am starting to like this camping alot more than I expected.

I kiss her lips. Her hands wrap around me and she kisses me back. Her tongue grazes my lips begging to deepen the kiss.

God damn it why did I think wearing clothes was a good idea?

Her hands run down my waist and to my stomach just above the waist band of my sweat pants. A chill goes down my spine. Her hand passes the clothing barrier between us and her fingers trace my wet folds. Try as I might to hold back a desperate moan escapes my lips between our kiss. Her fingers push inside me and all the comes out is her name. She smiles and kisses my neck.

I don't want this camping trip to end with Casey. Maybe it's her telling me about the memories she had with her dad, but I feel closer to her. She loved her dad very much, and I know that because of what happened with Susan, she misses him that much more.

As we pack up the car I hear a sniffle. She's crying. I go over to her alarmed. Why? Why is she crying? Did I do something? Did she get hurt?

It turns out to be over reacting as I tend to do sometimes when it comes to making sure Casey's happy. She tells me that she just misses her dad. I should've known she would get a little sad. She told me this was her first time coming back to this camp ground since her dad passed away. I can't blame her. I know I miss my parents alot too and it's hard not to get upset when you think of them not being here.

As we drive home I'm excited to get back into my own bed. I liked camping, but an air mattress is not meant for long term sleeping arrangements that's for sure.

Getting off the elevator I realize just how tired I am from all the activities of the weekend. When I finally get my keys and open the door my heart drops at the sight in front of me.


	11. Chapter 11

Ch. 11 Casey's POV

We are set to leave Saturday morning, and on Saturday morning I'm eager to wake Alex up. She's nervous I can tell. Going over the check list four times. Insisting we bring more blankets when obviously we're going to keep each other warm. I plan on keeping her very very warm.

Alex is adorable trying to help me set up the tent, but eventually gives in and lets me finish while she unpacks the car. Once we're settled we go for a walk. I know this campground so well from so many summers here, and I want her to see all of the places I use to go with my dad and Jake and my uncle.

We talk a little bit. I'll tell her something about the campground, or an animal we see, or a memory, but there's also a silence. A comfortable silence between us where all we hear are the sounds of the trees and our own footsteps and it's perfect. I love Alex's voice, but there's something beautiful in the ability to feel so much without saying anything.

When we get back to the camp site we enjoy a camp fire dinner and s'mores. Alex seems more relaxed now and enjoying the great out doors.

The night doesn't go by without a little sexy time and keeping each other extra warm through the night. In the morning we wake up to the sound of a squawking bird determined to make the world hear him.

"this makes me miss the stupid alarm clock." Alex laughs.

"welcome to nature."

She groans.

"and here I was starting to think I liked it." she kisses me.

"don't worry I'll make you like it." I move my hand up her thigh.

"oh will you now?"

"I will." I put my hand over her now wet center earning a moan.

The next two days we spend swimming in the lake and hiking up the mountain. Alex seems to be having more fun than I ever thought she would. She doesn't have any major run in with nature thankfully.

The weekend ends and we have to go back home. I don't really want to leave back to the city and work. I like being here. It brings back some happy memories of my dad. I miss him so much and I wish he were here and could meet Alex. He'd probably love her just as much as Cathy and Barry do.

As I think of if my dad were still here I start tearing up. Alex gets protective.

"is everything okay? Did you get hurt?"

"nothing I was just thinking about my dad that's all. I miss him so much." I wipe my few tears on my sleeve.

She opens her arms up and holds me close.

"he would've loved to meet you." I tell her.

Getting home we're both exhausted from the drive. The elevator ride seem longer than normal and these bags seem heavier than I thought. i just want to get all this crap inside and cuddle my Alex.

Alex opens the door and stops in her footsteps.

"babe the bags are heavy go." I nudge her.

She barely moves and looking in the apartment what we see makes me drop the bags.

"oh my god." Alex whispers.

The furniture is over turned and there's broken glass. Things thrown across the living room. From what I can see through the doorway, as Alex refuses to let me go inside, whoever came in did a number.

"I'm calling Elliot." she says taking out her phone.

When Elliot shows up it's with Fin thankfully and not Olivia. The last thing we need today is dirty looks from Olivia stressing Alex out.

"sorry to call you on a Sunday." Alex apologizes.

"no it's no trouble."

They make sure the inside is clear before letting us come inside. Alex keeps a tight grip on my hand as we walk among the mess that use to be our home.

"does anyone else besides you two have a key?" Elliot asks us.

"just my aunt and uncle." I tell him.

"was the door opened when you got back?"

"no it was locked." Alex whispers.

I squeeze her hand. I know she's upset and scared. Can't say that I'm not scared either. Some stranger was in our house.

"Why don't you look around see if anything was taken." Elliot tells us.

Looking around the living room and kitchen we don't see anything missing.

We go in the bedroom to find nothing taken but find something has been left a word painted on our wall in red spray paint. Dykes. Clearly this wasn't just a random break in. Someone targeted us.

Alex's grip on my hand gets tighter as she looks at the word.

We look around the rest of the room and see if anything else was taken. Alex's jewelry is still here. We left all our case files at the office. Nothing is missing.

"everything is here." Alex informs them.

"do you have somewhere to stay for the night?" Elliot asks.

"yeah we can go stay at my aunt and uncle's." I say.

Knowing Alex she wont want to intrude on them, not like we could they love when we're there.

After a long day of dealing with getting the break in fully reported and informing the building super so Elliot could get security footage, we head over to Cathy and Barry's.

"are you okay?" she asks as soon as we get in the door.

"we're fine. It's not like we were home when the perp was there." I tell her.

I didn't tell her about the graffiti left in our bedroom. I don't want her more frightened and worried than she already is.

"did they take anything?"

"no."

"oh good. I hope your cop friends find whoever did this. Damn thugs watching too much tv and too many video games."

I wish it were just a couple of thugs. I would've rather had my tv taken than have that scary message left behind.

"well I was about to make dinner. You two should tell me all about your trip."

I manage to get my mind off the break in for a little while when we talk about our trip. After dinner Alex excuses herself to go and take a shower.

"I'm so worried about her." I say to them.

She's been quiet since we left our apartment. Alex gets quiet when she's really bothered and I don't blame her, but I want her to talk to me.

"she's scared. It's completely normal to be scared. Someone broke into your home." Cathy says.

Alex gets worried and anxious and concerned and protective everyday sometimes all at the same time. But Alex Cabot doesn't get scared. She's not scared of the people we prosecute. She wasn't scared when her life was threatened by a powerful drug lord. She wasn't scared when Liam Conners almost took her life either. Nothing scares my Alex Cabot.

She's quiet the rest of the night. I try to ask her how she is and I get a one word answer.

"fine."

If she's scared I want her to talk about it with me. I wait a while thinking maybe she'll break the silence and say something, but instead she stays silent.

"I love you." I kiss her lips.

"I love you too."

I can tell she's not sleeping. I can't sleep either. The images flash through my mind of our home ripped apart and that word on our bedroom wall. I try and think of anyone Alex and I know who might do this. I highly doubt it was Susan, because although she despises our relationship, she'd never go the route of breaking into our home. She might say things to crush Alex and make me cry, but ruining our home is not her tactic. Obviously it isn't Olivia. She might hate us, or well Alex, but she wouldn't do something like this. It's impossible to try and come up with someone who is capable of doing this. All I can do is be thankful we were away when they broke in. Maybe it was planned out and they knew we would be away, or maybe they didn't care if we were there or not. I've seen alot of hate crimes, but prosecuting them and being the victim of one are two different things. I can only hope that Elliot finds out who did this, so that we don't have to be scared.


	12. Chapter 12

**Hello lovely readers I hope you're enjoying this fic so far. I'm trying to stay out of the writers block pit and deliver the best to you it's not easy but I am determined to keep my muse here. Anyway please keep reading and leaving your reviews.**

Ch. 12 Alex's POV

Opening the door the coffee table is now in view of the doorway and the out of place furniture catches my eye. As I look around I realize that our furniture and belongings have been thrown about somethings completely broken. I stop in my footsteps realizing that someone broke in.

What if they're still here? What if they're inside? What if they try to hurt Casey? No I can't let her go in there. If they're still in there then they could hurt Casey. I can not let anyone hurt Casey.

Who do I call? The cops. Elliot. Elliot is a cop. Yes call Elliot.

My hands shake as I try to find his contact information. He picks up the phone after a few rings and I try to explain what happened all in one panicked sentence. He tells me to relax, but it's impossible to do that. How am I expected to relax when an intruder might be in my home?

Waiting for him to show up is the longest time.

I'm not going inside and I refuse to let Casey go in there. I'm not letting her get in harms way if someone is in there. I need to protect her.

No one is inside the apartment, so Elliot asks us a string of usual questions.

He asks us to look around to see if anything is missing. I don't know how they expect us to know if anything is missing. This place is a mess things are everywhere and broken. Unless it's a big item or important I might not even know it's missing.

Casey and I go into the bedroom. I expect to find something missing there. I have some old jewelry that was my mothers that must be worth something, and some handbags that a thief might want, but something missing isn't what shocks us the most. It's the word Dykes spray painted in red paint on the wall above our bed.

My stomach turns. Sometimes I get so caught up in my world with Casey and forgetting that there are people in the world who hate us because we're both women and we love each other.

Susan's words start echoing in my ears telling me I can't protect Casey.

_"look at you you could never protect her."_

_"if someone breaks in the house how do you expect to protect Casey, or is she the man in the relationship?"_

What if this person had broke in when we were here? What would I have been able to do? They did throw our couch across the living room, so they weren't weak in any sense of the word. Would I have frozen up if they came in the apartment? Hell I probably wouldn't stand a chance against someone who can throw that couch when I could barely move it across the room.

The rest of the world seems to fade in and out as we go to stay at Cathy and Barry's on the request of Elliot. There are no leads and no guarantee that this person wont come back to the apartment.

I feel like I'm imposing on them by being here. I know how stupid I sound. For crying out loud Alex, Cathy gave you a hug and asked if you were okay.

Cathy happily makes us dinner. I'm not hungry, but I can't turn her down. Each bite is hard to swallow as my mind occupies itself with the what ifs. What if we were there? What if the perp hurt Casey? What if I hadn't been there when they broke in and Casey was alone for whatever reason? What if I froze up and they hurt Casey in front of me? Sometimes I just wish there was a switch to shut my brain up. I can't even think of something bad happening to Casey and me doing nothing and freezing up.

Over the rest of the week my mind wont shut up with the stupid what ifs. My original plan for the weekend had been to go do more ring shopping. What if they had broke in while I was ring shopping and I wasn't there? Casey deserves someone who can protect her and I don't know if I can. I never use to have a doubt that I could protect her, but now I do.

Elliot and Fin, although having gone through a weeks worth of security footage in the building and dusting every inch of our apartment for prints, come up empty handed.

"what? Nothing? What do you mean you can't find anything? The building is covered in cameras." I explode.

"Alex I'm sorry not all of them work, and unless you guys can come up with anyone who might do this, or we can find related cases, which we haven't, it's not much to go by."

"so what you just want us to go home and what? Wait until they try and come back or worse? If they try to hurt her?"

"Alex stop." Casey says.

I look like a crazy person, but I'd rather look crazy than act like nothing is wrong.

"I know it's not your fault Elliot, but I need you to find whoever did this." I explain to him.

"we're in a bind there is nothing to go by here. No one in your building saw anyone. I'm sorry I can't imagine how scared you must be."

"I'm not scared." I snap at him.

I walk out of the room into the squad room pissed off. Olivia gives me a side glance as I pass by her, but I ignore her. I don't have time to deal with her crap. The last thing I need right now is an Olivia pissing contest.

"Alex baby please talk to me." Casey says desperately when we get back to Cathy and Barry's house.

I've barely said ten words to her this week. I can't do this to her. I can't shut down on her. I can't push her away because I'm scared. Yes I Alex Cabot am scared. I'm scared that I can't protect Casey from bad people out there. I don't know how to tell her though. I don't know how to let her know what I'm feeling. No one in my family ever talked about feelings. We never admitted to being scared or sad or mad or sorry. Anything other than happy was never mentioned between me and my parents.

Come on Alex this is Casey. Your girlfriend, the love of your life, your best friend. You want to spend the rest of your life with her by your side. How the hell do you expect her to do that if you shut down anytime you're feeling a negative emotion? You saw what Olivia did when you didn't talk to her, she left you. Am I really going to let it get that bad with someone that I love more than I've ever been in love? No I can't. I cannot push Casey away to the point that she leaves me, because if I fell apart that badly with Olivia leaving me then I will be destroyed if Casey leaves me. I could never forgive myself if I pushed her away because I'm stubborn.

"Casey I love you." I whisper.

They're the only words I can utter at first. If I say anything to her I want her to know that I love her.

"I love you too, and that's why I want you to talk to me. I don't want you to keep this in."

My hands start shaking on the table. She takes them in her hands.

"it's okay to talk about things that are bothering you. You know you can talk to me about anything." she reminds me

I look in her eyes. Her beautiful green eyes that I get lost in. They're telling me she's desperate to know what's wrong. That she wants to help me, but she doesn't know how to. All I need to do is make the correct words come out of my mouth and it'll be okay.

"Casey I'm- I'm scared."

The word scared feels like a million pounds. It takes so much energy to say just that word.

"because of the break in?"

I take a deep breath.

"no not the break in really I mean just a thought."

Another deep breath.

"the thought that maybe I can't protect you. That I wouldn't have been able to if we were there."

My eyes start pouring out tears a build up of the past week.

"it's stupid I know." I sniffle trying to redeem myself in the moment of weakness.

She moves closer to me and hugs me.

"it's okay to be scared. You're allowed to be scared Alex."

I never expected her to belittle my being scared, but her comfort is a relief. She reminds me over and over that it's okay and that she loves me. I regain my composure and wipe my tears away. I love Casey and loving her means being honest and showing her all of me, even my weaknesses and insecurities no matter how much I want to bury them and never face them.

"I don't want you to worry about the what ifs. Okay?"

How can I not though? We've both prosecuted cases like this before. Seen the perps that commit these crimes. Most of them have no remorse at all.

"I promise that I wont let anything bad happen to you. I'll always protect you okay." I say to her.

I kiss her.

"I promise." I repeat myself.


	13. Chapter 13

Ch. 13 Casey's POV

To our dismay, after much investigation Elliot and Fin don't find anything that would point to anyone who would do this. It doesn't match any cases on hate crimes recently.

Alex has been on edge, but I'm still surprised when she explodes on Elliot.

"we're in a bind there is nothing to go by here. No one in your building saw anyone. I'm sorry. I can't imagine how scared you must be." Elliot says to us.

"I'm not scared!" Alex yells at him.

My heart jumps. I don't want Alex to get upset and yell at him. Not having any idea who did this is unsettling and I wish we did have someone, but it's not Elliot's fault. I know Alex knows that.

She walks out and I let her go only because I need to tell something to Elliot and I don't want to upset Alex anymore.

"I'm sorry Elliot." I apologize.

"it's alright I understand."

"Elliot if I tell you something unless it comes up with anything can you make sure this doesn't get back to Alex. I don't want her to worry."

"we're a little bit passed worried with her aren't we?"

"I know."

I give him the phone number to the flower shop.

"a few weeks ago this I got some flowers at my office. There was no name with them, and they wouldn't give me a name. I don't know who they came from. Alex said they weren't from her. I didn't think much of it until now, can you maybe try and check it out."

"I'll see what I can do."

I thank him and walk out of the room.

That evening I approach Alex. I'm worried about her. She's shutting down and I don't want her to. I want her to be able to talk to me about what's bothering her. Well that sounds stupid I know what's bothering her it's the break in, but I want her to be able to talk about her feelings towards it with me.

She hasn't spoken much lately. The most she's said was when she was yelling at Elliot. I just need to be careful I don't want to say something wrong and make her mad at me.

All of my attempts this week to get her to talk have failed.

She's quiet at first when I ask her to talk to me. Then she says she loves me.

No Alex not another aversion please open up to me.

I love her so much I don't want her to bottle her feelings up. I see it bothering her and crushing her and I don't want that. It breaks my heart.

"I love you too, and that's why I want you to talk to me. I don't want you to keep this in."

She admits to me that she's scared. She's scared that if something had happened when we were at home she wouldn't have been able to protect me.

This scares her so much she breaks out into tears and shakes like a scared child. All this time that she's been quiet she's been making herself anxious over the what ifs.

I don't know what to do though to help her get over this fear she has that she can't protect me from things.

How do I tell her that she doesn't have to protect me from everything though? I'm an adult I can protect myself. I'm not mad at her for wanting to protect me, but I don't want her to be scared.

After another week Elliot calls me up to meet up while Alex is in court. It's about those flowers.

"the flower shop gave us a name. Does the name Eric O'Neal mean anything to you?"

Trying to think of every perp I've tried, every acquaintance I come up with nothing.

"no."

"maybe to Alex?"

"I don't know. It doesn't sound familiar."

"that's the name on the order form for the flowers. He ordered over the phone and used a prepaid credit card."

"the credit card?"

"paid in cash at a pharmacy. Two blocks from your apartment."

My stomach does a flip flop. A man I don't know sending me flowers and paying in a way as to cover his tracks.

"did the pharmacy have surveillance?"

He shakes his head.

Go figure 90% of businesses in this damn city would rather save a few bucks than actually have working security systems. This is infuriating. All we have is an alias that's probably fake.

"so what do you suggest we do for now?" I ask him.

"just keep an eye out. If anyone seems to be following you-"

"wait like a stalker?"

"I don't want to call it stalking yet."

Great just what we need some creep following us around. Alex is going to stress herself out worrying.

She comes across to my office as I'm getting ready to leave.

"how does a date night sound?" she asks me.

"a date night?"

Alex is back to her usual self. The sexy amazing girlfriend that I love ready to sweep me off my feet to some wonderful date. God I've missed her this past week.

She looks at the door making sure the coast is clear and then kisses me. What brought this on I have no idea, but I love it.

Morning comes and I roll over in the bed when I find that my head is on a pillow not Alex. Without opening my eyes I feel around for her only to find myself alone in the bed. I look at the clock. Go figure it's one in the afternoon on a Saturday and I'm still asleep from a late night out, ofcourse Alex already started her day.

"Alex." I call out going downstairs.

The house is quiet and empty. Except for some music coming from the garage.

Barry is working on his car humming to the music.

"have you seen Alex?" I ask him.

"oh she and your aunt went out for the day. Shopping or what not. Alex didn't want to wake you." he says wiping his greasy hands.

Wow Alex and Cathy spending time together this is great. Cathy must really like Alex alot to be spending time shopping with her. Good they can bond over shopping and I never have to accompany another Alex Cabot shopping trip ever again. This is a great day.

"has your police friend found anything about the hoodlums who trashed your apartment?" he then asks.

I then remember that I have completely forgotten to tell Alex about the flowers and Eric O'Neal person. I wonder who Eric O'Neal could possibly be. If it's an alias or his actual name I have no idea.

"do you know anyone named Eric O'Neal?" I ask him.

"honey I'm Irish I went to a church school. I know about 75 different O'Neals in this state alone."

"any with the first name Eric?"

"not that I can recall." he says.

"why?"

"Elliot came up with a name and that was the name. Well an alias. I thought maybe it might've meant something to you."

"did you talk to Alex about it?" he asks.

"not exactly."

"why not?'

"I guess I forgot. She was having a good day yesterday and I didn't want to ruin it on her. She was so happy and you've seen her this past week. She finally opened up to me about how she was feeling and then she was starting to act like her regular self."

"understandable, but you still need to talk to her about this. The longer you wait the harder it's going to be. She has a right to know, it's her home too."

I hate when I'm wrong, but he's right. I can't avoid telling her.

"well when she and your aunt get back, assuming the sales rack doesn't eat them, you can tell her then."

Waiting for Alex to come back is agonizing. I keep hoping that she wont be mad at me for forgetting. For not telling her the flowers were intended for me, and that now they might be linked to a potential stalker. She can get mad at me frankly I deserve it for forgetting such a delicate piece of information and not telling her about the flowers, but I don't want her to get hyper over protective more than she already is or shut down again. God, please don't let her shut down again.

She and Cathy come through the door talking and laughing. I stand from the couch.

"hi baby." Alex says and kisses me.

"sorry I left this morning I didn't want to wake you." she adds.

"it's okay. Can we talk upstairs?" I ask her.

"okay."

I take her hand and we go upstairs.

"you two behave!" Barry calls out behind us like we're kids.

I sit her down and I tell her everything about the flowers and this Eric O'Neal person. Her smile fades away as I explain everything to her. She looks down at the floor.

"I am so sorry Alex. I never wanted you to worry about the flower thing."

"well now I'm very worried Casey. Someone broke in our home and sending you flowers."

"I understand."

I feel like the biggest piece of crap right now. Why didn't I just tell her?

"I'm such an idiot." I whisper.

"no you're not Casey. We just need to agree that we have to tell each other what's going on. I don't want us to shut each other out thinking we're protecting each other okay. I love you too much to shut you out."

"I love you too much too."

We kiss each other.

"are you girls behaving? Do not make me come up there." Barry's voice calls upstairs.

"Barry would you shut up they're adults." Cathy says.

We both giggle.

"we have got to go home at some point." I say to Alex.

She takes a breath.

"what?" I ask her.

"I don't want to bring you home if this Eric O'Neal whoever is still out there. I don't want to risk you getting hurt by this guy."

I don't want to live in fear of this guy either. I'm not letting him think he can scare me. Alex and I have a life and I hate that it's stopping because of this guy's stupid beliefs that two people can't love each other if they're the same sex. In the perfect world people like that wouldn't exist.


	14. Chapter 14

Ch. 14 Alex's POV

I feel better having opened up to Casey. She didn't tell me I was being ridiculous for being scared thankfully. I though she would get mad at me and belittle me for being scared. I don't know why I ever thought that when Casey is always so sweet and understanding.

She held me and let me cry it out. She kept reminding me that I don't always have to protect her, but I still feel like I have to. I love her so much and I don't want her to get hurt in any way. Olivia and her mother caused her so much pain, and I wish I could go back in time and protect her from them better. I'm not messing this up again. I'm not letting a person get in the way of Casey's happiness or hurt her in any way.

Normally spending two weeks in anyone's home like this I would've felt I'd out stayed my welcome after one night and opted for a hotel room. I don't want Cathy and Barry to get sick of me and think I'm some free loader and intruding on their family. Especially when I want to marry Casey. However I want Casey safe, and here she's safe and has her family around her and that's more important than my feeling like I'm imposing on them.

After a date night with Casey, I wake up and she's fast asleep on my chest. I wait an hour not wanting to wake her. I spend that time lost in my dreams of life with Casey.

I can't wait for this to be forever. To wake up next to her and watch her sleep and know she's all mine forever and always. A year ago I was waking up everyday on my couch hung over cuddled up with an empty wine bottle. Now I'm waking up everyday cuddled with her and I couldn't have ever imagined being this happy and this lucky.

I kiss her managing not to wake her and I slide out of the warmth of the bed letting her sleep some more.

I go downstairs quietly not wanting to wake Cathy or Barry. I make myself a cup of coffee and sit down with some paperwork to occupy my time.

"good morning." Cathy comes in the kitchen.

"good morning." I respond.

I get up and offer her a cup of coffee.

"oh no don't worry-" she says,

"no I insist." I say filling a mug up.

"thanks you dear."

I want them to like me. What can I say? I do want to marry their niece and spending two weeks here because I'm scared to bring my girlfriend home is alot to ask.

I set the cup in front of her.

"I didn't wake you did I?" I ask her.

"of course not. You're as quiet as a church mouse. It was Barry's snoring. I'm surprised you get any sleep here. I swear that man could wake up a room of deaf people. Is Casey still asleep?"

"yes."

She laughs.

"that girl could sleep through an explosion. She'll be asleep for some time I assume. What are your plans until then?" she asks.

"just some paperwork."

"how about I take you out shopping. It'll be fun we can do lunch. Unless you have a lot of work to do."

Okay Alex this is your chase to bond with Cathy and try to get to know her and get her to know you better. If you ever want her to approve of you marrying Casey then go with her and give her no reason to not like you.

"sure." I smile.

"great. Do you think we should wake Casey and see if she wants to come?" she asks seriously.

I try to hold back a laugh, but she starts laughing and I do too.

"we might have to throw her in the trunk for that." she says over her laughter.

This is more nerve wracking than I thought. I never really realized I have never been alone with Cathy or Barry.

I don't know why I worry about bonding with Cathy. She's the nicest easiest person to get along with.

"next time Jake and Rachel come to town we'll have to do a shopping trip with her. I can't tell you how nice it is to shop with someone who isn't miserable stomping around like a two year old."

"I can't agree more." I say to her.

"well next time you need a shopping fix call me. We'll only drag Casey if it's a life or death situation." she laughs.

Okay this is a good sign. We're getting along. She just invited me on another shopping trip. This is a good sign. I hope.

"thank you." I say to her.

"oh any time dear. After all we're practically family."

My heart skips. Family. She thinks of me as family. A tear lines my eye and look down at my hands hoping she doesn't notice. Family. I miss having a family. I've kind of forgotten what's it's like. Well what my family was like is miles away from how Casey's family is. I like their family though. I feel happy and honored that Cathy thinks of me that way.

We get to the house and Casey is up and sitting on the couch. I kiss her and apologize for having left her this morning. She asks if she can talk to me. It seems serious as she takes me upstairs.

"you two behave." her uncle adds as we walk hand in hand.

No no I'd never do that in their house. That would be so not good. I want them to like me. I mean I know they aren't naïve, but I think they'd rather not know what Casey and I do in regard to that.

She sits me down on the bed.

"there's something I need to tell you." she says.

I try to surpress my nervousness. Anyone with a working brain knows that "I need to talk" never leads to anything good.

"Elliot might have a lead." she says.

This is great news. See I don't know what I had to worry about. Now we can get this guy off the streets and get back to our perp or perps will never see the light of day again. I will call every favor that any judge or ADA owes me to get these guys some serious sentencing.

"what baby that's great he can arrest them and I swear they will spend eternity behind bars-"

"Alex stop. He found a lead because I gave him one. Remember the flowers from a few weeks ago."

How could I forget. Every once and a while my brain likes to remind me like it's some kind of joke.

"yeah why?"

"they were intended for me, but the flower shop wouldn't give me a name so I told Elliot. Turns out they came from an Eric O'Neal."

"who is that?" I ask trying to keep my cool.

"I don't know I thought maybe the name would sound familiar to you?" she says.

"no. It's not."

Who is this? Sending my Casey flowers. I know I'll probably regret saying this later, but I'd rather have Olivia sending her flowers than have some random creep homophobic sending them to her.

She apologizes to me saying she didn't tell me because she didn't want me to worry. She calls herself an idiot to which I immediately protest to, because even though she made a mistake she's not by any means an idiot, and I refuse to let her ever think of herself as anything of the sort.

"We just need to agree that we have to tell each other what's going on. I don't want us to shut each other out thinking we're protecting each other okay. I love you too much to shut you out."

"I love you too much too." she says.

"are you girls behaving? Do not make me come up there." Barry yells up the stairs.

"Barry would you shut up they're adults." Cathy tells her husband.

When Casey suggests that we should go home, I immediately get nervous. This person- This asshole is still out there and what if he comes back? I don't want him to come back and hurt Casey. He knows where we work and live and I'm about ready to call McCoy and tell him over my dead body will I go in that office with Casey without an armed guard. I'm not putting Casey in a dangerous situation. This person clearly targeted us and is sending a very scary message.

Somehow I let her convince me to go back to the apartment after work one day. Barry accompanies us on my request. The graffiti is gone and painted over. Still it feels like it's there mocking me. Telling me that someone was here in my room and most likely has the intention to hurt Casey.

"we can change the locks. That's a must." he says to our building super.

I don't really feel comfortable here anymore. All the locks in the world might not make me feel comfortable. I tried to not let a threat get to me last time. My arrogance and trying to save face landed me in witness protection. I don't want that for Casey ever. She deserves better than this.

"when is my lease up?" I ask the super.

"another month Ms. Cabot." he says.

"Alex." Casey says to get my attention.

"I don't want to renew it." I say to him.

"understandable." he says.

"Alex what are you talking about? This is our home." Casey pleads.

"Casey it's four walls we can find another place to call home. A better place. I just want you safe, and I don't think that's here. As much as I'd like to pretend this isn't happening it is." I tell her.

"you're right." she says.

"we can move anywhere you want." I add.

"as long as you're there and happy we can live in one of your shoe boxes." she smiles.

Our lunch hours and off time now consist mostly of juggling apartment hunting and paperwork. Only a month to find an apartment in this city is no easy task. Partly that is me being so damn nit picky about everything.

It needs to be a nice place. Roaches or rodents of any kind is just not okay. I don't care if we have someone trying to hurt Casey or not, I refuse to let her live in a place with creatures. It needs to have enough room, be in a good neighborhood, close to the office. It needs security camera and a buzzing system or a door man. I don't want to have to move apartments again if god forbid this Eric O'Neal, or whatever his name is, person decides to come back around. I don't want his face to go unseen again.

"what about this one?" Casey asks showing me a listing.

"no the neighborhood had three robberies in the last five years." I say to her.

"Alex seriously they were minor thefts from peoples cars. Ten to one they're kids trying to be badasses. Baby we live in New York every single street has had some crime happen on it in the last five years. That's just what happens. I can understand why you wouldn't want to live next to drug dealer and gang wars central, but you need to give some slack. We can't live in a walled castle in the middle of nowhere for the rest of our lives." she says.

A walled castle doesn't sound too bad. I don't want to give any slack because that little bit of slack might be the in this perp needs to hurt Casey.

"I'm sorry I just want you to be safe."

"trust me I can take a couple of punk teenagers." she says.

I'm being over bearing and ridiculous. I need to let this go and find a place for us to live.

That night we go back to Casey's aunt and uncle's for dinner.

"you'll find a place don't worry." Cathy assures us.

"you just need a place that's safe and has plenty of room. An extra room or two perhaps. You might want children down the line." she adds.

Casey nearly chokes on her bite of food where as I swallow mine whole.

"well you never know. Houses in the city aren't cheap and I doubt you'll want to move again anytime soon."

I wouldn't mind children with Casey at all. Plenty of room doesn't sound like a bad idea. I mean I don't know if Casey wants children, but still you can never be too prepared right?

"Cathy that's far down the line. Right now they need a place to live."

Casey and I exchange a look.

I don't think I ever considered having children before. Then again I never considered proposing either. Casey's changed that though, she's changed me. Here I am planning out how I can possibly propose to her in the perfect way.

After that dinner she apologizes for what Cathy said.

"it's fine." I assure her.

"she's just weird sometimes. Don't let it bug you." she says.

So maybe she doesn't want kids. That's fine. I can live with that as long as I have her. I just hope that she'll say yes when I ask her to marry me, because I want to be with her forever.


	15. Chapter 15

**Hello lovely readers, ****there will be cuteness in this chapter. You have been warned. **

Ch. 15 Casey's POV

After telling Alex about Elliot's findings on the flowers, I had to convince her to go to the apartment. We had really only packed thinking it would be a few days at Cathy and Barry's. As much as I love them, all I want to go home and sleep in my own bed.

Alex only agrees to go home if Barry comes with us. It's clear once we walk in that she is not comfortable being here at all. She squeezes my hand so tightly when we first walk in, and doesn't want to let go. We go into our bedroom and the super has managed to cover up the graffiti. With the exception of a few things that got broken and are now gone, it looks like the place was never even touched.

Barry insists to the super that new locks need to be put in. I think that should do it, that and maybe a few strategically placed softball bats. But, Alex seems to think otherwise as she tells our super she has no interest in renewing our lease.

I like this apartment though. There are so many memories here with Alex. The snow storm, the first time we held hands. The first time I took her on a date. The first time we made love. This was the first place that I had felt at home in a long long time, and I don't want to give it up. I don't put up much of a fight though, because she's right it's only four walls. The memories wont go away just because we don't live here anymore.

Apartment hunting with Alex should be fun. It is, but she proves to be nothing short of completely specific in her list of needs in the apartment. Whenever I imagined us ever looking for an apartment or house together, I always thought maybe looking for a place she'd be hell bent on two closets or something, but instead it's security systems. As much as I want to tell her we'll be fine and to not worry I know that she'll still worry. She's had a drug cartel trying to hunt her down before and she landed in witness protections and that crushed her. She doesn't like to talk about it much, but I know that she's always scared she'll be sent back.

After looking and doing research on all the listings, I think I have the perfect apartment. It's a nice size for us, close to work, a good neighborhood, security systems.

"what about this one?" I show her the ad.

"no the neighborhood had three robberies in the last five years."

She can't keep doing this. We need a place to live, and I want her to at least give some place a chance and go look at it. I love my aunt and uncle but I want to have my own home to go to. I want to sleep in my own bed and be able to watch what I want and have my sexy time with Alex. We need to find some place to live, and at this rate we're not going to find a place.

That evening Cathy asks us of our progress on the apartment search as she has most nights. When we tell her nothing has stood out to us yet, she assures us we'll find some place.

"you just need a place that's safe and has plenty of room. An extra room or two perhaps. You might want children down the line."

The food in my mouth lodges itself in my throat. Children? What? Me and Alex having kids together.

Butterflies start up in my stomach imagining kids with Alex. That's so far down the line though, if it even is. I'm just hoping Alex will still want to be with me in a year let alone 18 years with a me and a child. Would I even make a good mother? If someday I do end up being one I'd hope so. I'd love being a mom with Alex. Cute little mini Alex's running around the house and me teaching them the puppy pout, and how to throw the perfect pitch, and how to ride a bike.

Cathy keeps talking and Alex and I look at one another. All the color has drained from her face. The light reflection in her glasses blocks my view of her eyes, so I can't tell what she's thinking.

Please don't let what Cathy said scare her off. I don't want her to think that she's obligated to stay in this or want kids. I tell her not to let it bug her. I don't want it to bug her, because knowing Alex it will if she doesn't want that. The last thing I want is her to feel like being with me she's obligated to do something she truly doesn't want. What kind of person would I be to deny her what she does want or push something on her that she has no desire for. Motherhood isn't something that is like a pair of shoes that once you get bored or you don't like them you can just put it in the back of the closet and forget about them.

After another week of pushing Alex to actually go and see places I finally get her to crack. It took a lot of denied kisses and sexy time and even a little begging before I just flashed a puppy dog pout and she caved. She couldn't even look at the pout for more than a few seconds before she said okay. I need to remember that for future reference. Alex Cabot weakness: puppy pout. I think I deserve a nice pat on the back for that one.

It's a two bedroom, with a view of the park, two blocks from the DA's office and just two more to the courthouse. A big closet for all of Alex's clothes and shoes. Space for a dresser for my clothes, because lets face it after the found common interest of shopping between Alex and Cathy, that closet will be over taken in maybe two shopping trips. Two trips that's me being generous and assuming there wont be any big sales. There's a beautiful kitchen too, I think that's why I like this one so much. I always wanted a big kitchen like the ones you see on cooking shows and this place has it. I wonder if Alex would let me do Thanksgiving in this kitchen.

Alex looks around with a straight lawyer face the entire time. I want her to like this place too. I can see us making more memories here together. Hopefully this will be enough to settle Alex's nerves and get this Eric O'Neal to become bored of us and move on.

As Alex nearly interrogates the super on the security systems and other things of the apartment I almost feel bad for the guy. I have to hand it to him though he takes it like a champ. Being questioned by Alex is not easy to get through. I've never had to be on that end of her questioning and I never plan to be. She goes full on prosecutor and trust me no one is safe.

"so what do you think?" I ask Alex.

She looks around the empty living room.

Oh God please let her like it. She'll stop worrying and stressing we can get back to our life. I'm almost positive that soon enough Cathy will run out of questions for her or reuse one she's already asked and then the world will come crashing down, because after three years she still asks Rachel questions and I don't know what she'll do if she knows everything about Alex. Please please please apartment gods let Alex like this place.

Alex asks one more question. How much?

After the super adds up the deposit first and last months rent, I shit you not, this apartment better be made out of gold and diamonds. I'm almost sure that walled castle would be cheaper.

"I am sorry." I say to Alex.

I take her hand and try to walk, but she stands still.

"we'll take it." Alex says.

"what Alex are you crazy?" I ask her.

"do you not like it? We can go look somewhere else." she says.

"I like it, but that's alot." I whisper.

"okay then if you like it and you'll be safe here then price doesn't matter."

After living with my mother for three years, and paying way more than I could afford towards her house and bills, and still being considered a freeloading failure, I'm not sure how comfortable I am letting Alex pay for this. Of course I'd pay towards rent every month and other bills, but I don't want her to resent me down the road because she put forth this money.

We sit on the couch going over some case work.

"Alex I don't want you to pay for all of it." I admit to her.

After getting my law license back, my pay checks have gone towards loans and credit card debt from the three years I was censured. If it weren't for Alex trying to get me to eat healthy all the time I'd be living off of Ramen and the 1 dollar menu.

"honey it's fine. It's the place you want and it's safe." she says focused on her paper work.

"no Alex listen to me."

She closes the folder and gives me her attention.

"I don't want you to pay for it now and then hate me for it later. I want to help with this. This will be our apartment, not me moving into yours and I want to help pay for our new home."

"Casey you don't have to worry about a thing. I will take care of it. If you need me to I can help with your other bills too."

She's offered this numerous times, but I want to pay them off myself. I refuse to let her do everything I have to do somethings, which includes paying for my bills that I let get out of hand and rent for my home.

"no Alex I can take care of those. You don't need that burden."

"baby you know it's no big-"

"it is to me."

I know me putting forth money to this apartment will be a stretch.

"okay fine, what if I pay you back every month?"

She takes a breath.

"sure." she says.

I kiss her.

"thank you." I whisper to her.

"I love you." she says putting her hands on my waist to pull me closer.

"I love you too."

"I love you more."

"I love you more than more."

"I love you so much more than more than more." she kisses me between each word.

"I will win this." I say to her.

"no you wont."

"oh yes I will."

"no you wont." she says pinning me under her.

Her legs straddle my waist, and she starts kissing down my neck and to my chest just before my shirt. Arousal sparks between my legs, and a chill goes down my spine.

Alex hears the lock to the front door and gets off of me sitting next to me acting as if nothing happened.

"I think that I've made my argument clear and have won." she says in her lawyer tone and then gives an evil sexy smirk.

Damn it we need to move soon, because I don't know how much longer I can go without Alex touching me.

We move our things into the new apartment within the month. It starts to sink in that we just got an apartment together. A place that's ours.

I like saying that. Our apartment. Something we picked together and we're going to live together in and I'm super excited. I can't stop smiling even as my muscles strain from carrying all our things from the truck up to the apartment.

"you're awful smiley." Alex stops me when I put a box down on the kitchen counter.

She wraps her arms around me.

"can you blame me? I'm excited?"

I lean in and kiss her quick. I'd kiss her longer but we're both out of breath from running around all day.

"are you sure you like it here?"

"I do. Like I said we could live in one of your shoe boxes for all I care. What matters is that I have you."

"I couldn't agree more."

After moving in the things we already had we then making the worst decision to go to IKEA to replace the things that had been broken in the break in.

"no Casey those don't go in there. They're too big." she tells me as I try to put this coffee table together.

I'd make a that's what she said joke, but it is 2 am and I hate this coffee table.

"did you even read the directions?" she asks.

"yes."

"and what did they say?"

"to put these in there."

"you're reading the wrong directions!" she then says.

I groan and lay on the floor.

"this table is not worth the amount money I'll need to front to pay for the therapy I now require." I say to myself.

"I'm sorry I yelled." she says laying next to me.

"it's okay. That is the inevitable with this furniture by the devil himself."

She giggles.

"come on let's go to bed. We can finish this tomorrow assuming we wake up." she kisses my nose and picks me up off the floor.

As soon as my body makes contact with the bed, I completely pass out from exhaustion.


	16. Chapter 16

Ch. 16 Alex's POV

"Alex come on this place is everything we need." Casey says showing me an apartment listing.

I'm not convinced. There were too many crimes in that area for my comfort.

"there's two bedrooms, walk in closet, room for your shoes."

I stay quiet.

"and, oh and there's a pool and gym in the building."

I cross my arms. I don't care if the place has a solid gold bathtub if it doesn't have any sort of security system then I don't want to have Casey living there.

"there's a buzzing system and that's all I know, and that's all we're going to know if we don't at least go see the place. We don't have to make a commitment off the bat, but we should go and see the place. Maybe you'll love it."

"Casey the area has had too many crimes. I don't want you getting mugged."

"Alex this whole city has muggers. I'm surprised I've gone this long without being mugged."

"and we're going to keep it that way if I have anything to say about it."

"if you do not at least go see this one I promise I will make sure that you never ever get another kiss from me ever again."

I cross my arms.

"Alexandra Cabot." she says as if I'm in trouble.

Damn it I wish she wasn't so cute when she's mad. No I must stand my ground it's for her safety. Ugh but she called me Alexandra, I love when she does that especially when she's mad and cute.

"you are working your stubborn self into the area of no sex for a year. You'll be able to look all you want, but no touching." she smirks.

She gets closer to me. I can smell her perfume.

I swallow the lump in my throat.

Her breath is on my neck.

Stand your ground Alex you can do this. Even though Casey is your weakness you can't give in.

Her hand touches my thigh. Her evil plan is working. She knew it would we haven't done anything since the camping trip being at her aunt and uncles and all.

Her hand creeps up closer to where I want it.

"please." she says and gives me a pout.

Stop this torture, this is cruel unusual punishment.

"alright."

She kisses me on the lips. So much for stubborn Alex Cabot, I caved so easily. A few touches and a puppy pout is that really all it takes? Why does she have to be so cute and sexy? I can't take it of course I'll say yes to her for anything.

Having said yes doesn't turn out to be all that bad. I do like the apartment. It's nice, and has a security system which is key. Casey seems pretty pleased with herself having got me to say yes. Her cute smug smile.

Well she seems pretty pleased until she hears the price. I'm not letting that get in the way of this. We both like this place alot and I wont let money get in the way of what Casey wants.

Casey being Casey she wants to help pay for it. I understand that completely, but I can do it it's not a burden on me at all. After a while I know my endeavors to convince her that I'll take care of it aren't working at all. She offers to pay me back. I have no intentions to take Casey's money though.

She gives me a kiss when I agree, but since she's been working me up all week in an attempt to get me to see the apartment I can't hold back loving her up a little.

When we finally get everything moved in and put our puzzles of furniture together to replace the casualties from the break in, it starts to sink in that Casey and I just got our first apartment together. Not that my apartment wasn't her home too, but we did this together and it is great. We're doing this life thing together and as simple as it is, I love it. I like doing life with her, and now that we're all settled in and this flower break in thing is behind, I can get back to focusing on picking out a ring and planning my proposal.

Can I just put more furniture together? Why does it feel like this isn't getting any easier. Another trip out to a jewelry store with a few ideas for rings I like and I come home hating the ones I just liked this morning. None of them are good enough for her.

How can any ring possibly match to how much I love Casey and how perfect she is, how cute she is, how she loves with all her heart, and how much she continues to amaze me everyday being the great person she is, the person I love more than life itself.

Come on Alex just look at the rings and give them a chance.

Nope.

Hell no.

No.

Next.

Not a chance

Ugly

Cheesy.

Next.

Too small.

Too big.

No.

No.

I have never rejected a piece of jewelry as much as I reject that ugly ring there.

So much nope.

Jesus who's going to wear that one? It probably weighs more than Casey.

Oh my god none of these rings are right. I really want to put my head through this glass case right now.

Finally after another failed trip out to find a ring, I get desperate and call Jake.

"I don't know what to tell you. I know nothing about jewelry."

"well you've proposed I thought maybe you'd have some idea given Rachel said yes."

"she wasn't exactly subtle about letting me know which ring she wanted."

I groan. Casey has never even given a hint as to what kind of a ring she'd want.

"has she ever told you what kind of ring she'd want?" I ask him.

"no. We talk about baseball, unless you can some how propose with a Yankee's World Series ring I got nothing."

"do you think I could get one of those?"

"no. Trust me I've tried."

I let out a frustrated sigh. Who else do I go to? It's not like Casey has any other friends I can ask for their opinion or insight.

Who am I suppose to ask? For the first time in a long time I tear up wishing so much that my mom was here. She'd know what to do. I don't have anyone else to ask. My family isn't exactly close and they weren't the most welcoming and warm when I came back from witness protections, so I wont even entertain the idea of bothering them.

"I'm home." Casey announces happily.

I wipe the tears and mascara out of my eyes. If she sees me crying she wont let it go and frankly I don't want to bring down her happy mood with my feeling sorry for myself.

I shower her in kisses and hold her close.

"hello to you too." she says.

"I love you so much." I whisper.

"I love you too baby." she kisses me.

I deepen the kiss and start leading us to the bedroom. I need her right now.

I forget that I'm not a complete expert of the layout of this apartment yet,. So, me trying to be cool I bump into the door way smacking my arm. Yeah that's gonna leave a mark tomorrow, but knowing Casey that wont be the only mark I have after tonight.

When I finally manage to get us into our bedroom, I lay her down on the bed. Her shirt rides up showing a little bit of skin above her jeans.

I undo the button and kiss just below her shirt before pulling them off her legs and tossing them to the side. I let my hands travel up her shirt to her breasts and my kisses follow up her stomach until I can get her shirt off. Mine follows soon after along with my bra. She flips us over and gets on top of me taking one of my nipples in her mouth.

I moan her name.

Wetness pools between my legs as her hands move down to the button of my pants.

She takes her sweet time getting me out of my clothes. Placing kisses down the inside of my thigh, and everywhere except where I need her kisses right now. I pin her down on the bed and I kiss her neck pushing my hand into her panties.

"Alex please."

For someone who wanted to take her sweet time with me, she's awfully impatient.

"patience."

I trace my fingers on her wet folds not pushing them in quiet yet. I bite down on her neck earning a gasp. I let go and I kiss her lips. She sinks her teeth into my bottom lip. She lets go and I kiss my way down her neck to her chest between her breasts down her stomach right above her panties.

I hook my fingers into the fabric and pull them down her gorgeous legs, and toss them to the side.

I continue my kisses down her waist line right to where she wants me.

"god Alex please."

It doesn't take much for me to turn her into a trembling jello mess. I flick my tongue right over her nerve endings and that's enough to throw her over the edge.

After we wear ourselves out I hold her in my arms kissing her soft lips and telling her over and over that I love her. I'm probably annoying her saying it so much. I need to say it as much as possible though, she needs to know how much I love her.

Why do I continue to torture myself? Here I am in my office looking at rings online when I'm suppose to be getting some files done for McCoy. Then out of habit I click the stupid bookmark for jewelry stores and here I am ready to pull my hair out.

Can't I just skip this stressfulness find the perfect ring and just ask Casey have her say yes and we live happily ever after? I want to see her in a wedding dress and call her my wife why is that too much to ask?

Casey alert. She's coming in my office now. X out X out. Phew. That was a close one.

"I just sent out for lunch. I got your favorite." she says.

I raise an eyebrow. Hmm Casey for lunch doesn't sound too bad right now. She is looking rather gorgeous today. Who am I kidding she's drop dead gorgeous everyday of her life.

"no get your mind out of the gutter. You're worse than me sometimes."

"you did say my favorite."

"okay second favorite. I thought maybe it'd get your mind off the case."

Aside from the move and trying to find a ring, my case load has been less than easy as well.

"you are the best I love you."

"I love you too."

I sit next to Casey on the couch enjoying my salad and smoothie. She's talking and I get lost in her beauty, and my mind keeps going to thinking about her in a white dress.

"I can't wait for this weekend I'm absolutely exhausted. I think maybe we should stay in and enjoy the apartment, binge on the Netflix catalog and have some other fun." she winks.

Does she realize what she does to me? Just one wink and I'm already warm. Maybe it's warm in here, because I'm starting to sweat. I take off my jacket which I had put on this morning because it's cold out.

"hot already?" she asks with a sly smile.

"it's warm in here."

"if you're warm you could take off your clothes." she jokes.

Damn it she's going to make me more warm with her sexiness.

"someone needs to learn how to work a thermostat in here." I say taking a sip of my ice cold smoothie.

"you could still take off your clothes. The door is shut." she says.

"stop it. We have to keep it professional remember."

"screw professional. I can tease if I want to. You're fun to tease. Just admit it you love it." she says leaning in to kiss my neck.

I start breathing heavily, and it's hard to catch my breath. She straddles my waist and her kisses go down my chest making me feel weak all over. She opens the two buttons on my blouse and it gets more difficult to breathe.

"you okay baby?" she asks with a smile.

"yeah just really warm. I'm sorry baby."

She gets off of me and gives me my drink. I take another big gulp of it. She goes back to her lunch.

Why do I feel so off all the sudden? My head feels funny and my stomach starts to turn. God I really hope this isn't a migraine. The last thing I need right now is a migraine. The room starts to spin around me and if I weren't sitting I might fall over. I almost feel like I'm drunk. There's the sharp pain in my head. Terrific now I have to deal with a migraine.

There's a bottle of Tylenol in my desk. If I go over there and get it I can avoid a complete melt down later. I don't want to have a migraine melt down in front of Casey. She doesn't need to deal with me right now.

Black and red spots start to dot my vision and everything goes black.


	17. Chapter 17

**Hello lovely readers. I'm sorry for the late update but my wifi has been less than reliable, so to make up for it I kind of combined two chapters so it's a double chapter. I really hope you like it.**

Ch. 17 Casey's POV

Alex sits in her office looking distressed. I can tell something is bothering her alot. I suspect it's this case she's been working on.

She's sitting over in her office looking at her computer wide eyed and clearly frustrated with what ever email she probably got. This case is really getting on her nerves. Well, more the defendant and his mediocre lawyer who is trying to file every motion he can to make Alex's life a living hell.

I call out for lunch getting Alex's favorite. I hang up and go across the hall to her office.

Her annoyed face fades and she smiles when I walk in.

"I just sent out for lunch, I got your favorite." I tell her.

Her eyebrow raises and I know what she's thinking. Maybe it was the fun we've had the past few nights, or I'm just noticing it more, but her mind has been going there alot lately. Not to say my mind never goes there. Trust me my mind goes there more than I want to admit, but lets just say Alex has a very very active imagination.

Our food arrives and we relax on the couch in her office. She seems to be relaxed now even as I ramble on and on about nothingness. She needs to get her mind off this case before she drives herself crazy.

Suddenly she starts getting warm when I mention that we should stay in this weekend.

I think I could have some fun with Alex's energy.

"if you're warm you should take your clothes off." I suggest.

She tries to avoid admitting that I'm turning her on by reminding me of our need to be professional. Why be professional when I can leave Alex bothered and have benefits later when we get home?

I kiss her neck and her breathing gets heavy as if I stroked every nerve in her body. I keep kissing her neck and chest unbuttoning her blouse. Trying so hard to be professional is really exhausting sometimes. Normally Alex gets anxious even letting me kiss her for longer than a few seconds in the office for fear of someone finding out. For me to be sitting on her lap and two buttons down on her blouse is a milestone. Today might finally be the day I get Alex to do the deed in the office.

Her breathing is getting heavier. It sounds like she's having a panic attack or something. I stop what I'm doing.

"you okay baby?"

Her forehead is covered in sweat her skin flushed.

"yeah I'm just really warm. I'm sorry."

Please don't let her be sick. The last thing she needs in the middle of this case to get sick.

I give her her drink thinking it will cool her down a bit and take a bite of my food.

Something spills on the floor I look over expecting Alex to overreact to the spill on the floor as she tends to do. My heart nearly stops when I see her eyes roll back and she sways. I react and reach to grab her as her body limps and starts to fall.

"oh god Alex baby."

She hits the floor bringing me down with her, and just missing her head to the table and landing the smoothie mess that covers the floor.

"Alex." I shake her a little.

"Alex honey."

Her eyes are closed and her body is limp. My heart nearly stops seeing her in this state.

"no no."

I scream for help.

"Alex. Alex baby wake up. Please wake up."

Her body starts to shake under me. I don't know what to do. She was just fine. She was warm but she was awake and talking we were kissing.

The door bursts open our receptionist comes in.

"call 911 now!" I almost scream at the girl.

Try as I might I can't keep from crying and panicking. I don't know what happened. Why is this happening? I try to do CPR, but a course a lesson from Girl Scouts when I was a kid is not enough to be effective, but I need to try. I can't let her just lay here and not try something.

"Alex baby come back please. Please." I beg her.

When the paramedics come they ask me a million questions. My brain is racing so all I can tell them is the absolute basics. I freeze when they ask me the complicated questions which should be basic knowledge, but they don't process.

"how long has she been unconscious?"

"I- I don't know."

It felt like hours before they showed up. For all I know it could've been three days I don't know. All I do know is that Alex is not okay and I don't know why and I'm scared. I'm terrified.

When they take her away I beg myself to wake up from this nightmare.

I don't even remember how I got to the hospital, but here I am in the waiting room. I can't stop crying.

Did I do it? Did I not notice something I should have?

A nurse comes through after an hour.

"Alex Cabot." he calls out.

I scramble out of the chair tripping over my own two feet practically I'm so desperate for answers.

"where is she? Is she okay? Can I see her?" I ask her each question at least four times.

"we just need a next of kin number."

"me that's me I'm her next of kin." I tell her.

She looks at me.

"you're her..."

"her girlfriend."

"right. I'm going to need the number of a family member."

Are you fucking kidding me.

"no no no I was there with her when she fainted. What is wrong with her?"

"I'm sorry I can't discuss a patients condition with someone who is not family."

"no no please you have to understand I'm her girlfriend. Please I need to know."

"I'm sorry it's hospital policy." she walks away.

Fuck hospital policy this is Alex, my Alex. Something is wrong and this bitch refuses to tell me anything what because we're not married and I'm therefore not considered family. I'm all Alex has. What if it's something serious? Well clearly it is Casey she passed out and was shaking of course it's serious.

After another bought of crying I regain my composure enough to call Barry.

"hi Casey." he answers the phone in a cheery manner.

"Barry." I break into tears once again.

"whoa honey what's wrong?" he asks.

"Alex- she- she's in the hospital." my voice cracks and shakes with every word.

"alright which hospital?" he asks.

I tell him where we are hoping he can understand.

"we'll be there soon. You wait right there."

I drop my phone on the floor covering my eyes. All I can see when I close my eyes is Alex on the floor shaking.

I want so badly to see her again right now. I want to hold her and kiss her and tell her I love her. Have a fight about who loves who more. I'd even let her win just so I could hear her say she loves me.

When my dad passed out in front of me, he never came back.

No No No! Don't let your mind go to that bad place Casey, just think of happy thoughts okay. Happy happy thoughts.

_"can I tell you a secret?" she asks me._

_ "ooh a secret? I love secrets." I lay my head on her chest._

_ "I love you the most."_

_ "baby you seem to have forgot what a secret entails. It's got to be something juicy, something no one else knowns. Trust me if anyone knows you love me it's me."_

_ "no I said I love you the most. I love you more than I ever loved or ever could. You're my best friend and you know me better than anyone else. So there for I love you the most." _

_ Why isn't Alex a poet. She sure has a way with words._

_ I hold her hand and kiss it._

_ "I love you the most too."_

_ "oh do you?"_

_ "I do." _

_ I kiss her lips savoring the feeling of butterflies in my stomach and the feeling her of her lips on mine._

_ "the most?"_

_ "yes the most."_

"Casey."

Seeing my aunt I jump up and hold onto her like a young child and another wave of tears overcomes me.

"what happened?"

"she fainted- she was shaking or having a seizure I don't know. I tried to do CPR but it didn't work she just kept shaking and then they took her, and now the nurse wont tell me anything. They want me to call her family, but I don't know them she isn't close to them. I just want to see her."

"I love her. I love her so much." I add.

"honey it's going to be okay. We need to talk to a doctor."

"they wont tell me anything. I'm just short of begging."

"they haven't come out?" she asks.

"a nurse came out and she just walked away she told me to find her family and that was it."

Her face falls. Cathy doesn't get pissed easily, but I can tell that she is furious. Before I can stop her, she's at the reception desk demanding to speak with a doctor.

It's hospital policy it's the law. This isn't some issue with the sales at a store where she can just talk to a manager and get her way like she some how always does.

"just let her do her thing." Barry says to me putting his arm around me.

She's going to get us kicked out of here. We wont know anything then. I'd rather be stuck in the waiting room than banned from the hospital while Alex is in here.

"I want to speak to a doctor. Now!" Cathy demands.

I don't know what power Cathy possesses but somehow she ends up speaking to a doctor. He looks like he's 12 and just graduated medical school half an hour ago. Go figure they'd send out the medical student to talk to us.

"my niece would like to know what is happening to her girlfriend." she says politely.

The doctor looks at me.

Come on have a little sympathy. Just let me know what's happening to Alex.

"unfortunately we can't give any information to your niece since she isn't married to the patient."

"I'm sorry you don't seem to understand. Casey was with her when she passed out-" Cathy says politely.

"that doesn't change anything."

"listen we need to know what is going on with Alex. She passed out and we just want to know how serious it is." her tone gets more firm.

"I understand ma'am but I can't tell you anything. If her family is present and would like you to know then that's up to them-"

"listen boy wonder I have tried to be polite. I have tried to be patient, but excuse me if I'm not. The woman in there she has passed out. My niece is scared to death about it, and we would like to get some information. Now if you aren't willing to give it to us I will find a competent doctor who has graduated from medical school-"

She's pissed off now.

"ma'am I will call security."

Cathy's face turns red. This doctor just opened up a can of worms.

"no listen here. We are Alex's family. We love her and we are there for her. Those people who she's related to, hell I couldn't even tell you their names. So what makes them more qualified to know what's going on with her when they don't even bother to be in her life? Is it because she's with a woman or because you doctors just like to be difficult? I don't care get over it. Go in there get me her doctor, a real doctor, and tell us what is wrong with her or so God help you I will drive you and this hospital into the ground."

The fear on the guys face is that of a scared child.

"I'll go find the doctor."

"yes you do that."

She comes back over to us.

"jesus christ you ask to see a doctor and they sacrifice their medical students. No I want to talk to a doctor." she mumbles to herself.

"thank you." I say to her.

It takes a while for the doctor to come out and see us, but he eventually one does.

What powers does my aunt have? What ever they are when she talks to a manager, supervisor whoever, some how she brings them to their knees and gets what she wants. I need to learn how to do that.

"is she okay?" is the first question I ask the doctor.

I know how stupid it sounds, but I don't know what to ask I want to know how she is.

"she's stable right now."

"do- do you know why she passed out?"

"we narrowed it down to something she ingested. We don't know exactly what is it, but we're running some tests right now. We'll know more when they come back in a few hours."

He asks me a few other questions about the event.

"can she go see her?" Cathy asks for me.

"she's not awake right now, but if you'd like you can go see her."

I want to burst through the wall and see my Alex.

Cathy offers to come with me, but I insist on going alone. I need to see Alex alone right now.

Following the doctor down the cold white halls, I start getting scared and nervous. He opens the door and I go inside the room.

"I'll give you a moment."

She's laying there. In the middle of the hospital bed, hooked up to all these machines. One of them beeps to the rhythm of her heart. It's slower than normal. I know, I listen to her heart when I fall asleep at night and even when she's deep asleep it's not that slow and uneven.

I pull a chair next to her and I take her hand in mine and kiss it. Her arm is limp and her usually warm hands are cold.

"Alex I love you so much."

I shut my eyes wishing she would respond.

_"I love you Casey to the moon and back."_

I sit by her side just waiting for answers. My hand keeps a near death grip on hers. If she can hear me or feel me I want her to know I'm right here and that I'm not going anywhere.

I don't know if anyone is out there listening but please please just let her wake up. I love her more than anything or anyone.

My back starts to ache and tense up from sitting in the uncomfortable chair. If I could I'd get on the bed and hold Alex, but I don't want to crush her or make things worse. Knowing me I probably would.

A nurse comes in to check Alex examining the machines and checking her over.

"are the tests back?" I ask her trying to keep my composure.

"the doctor will let you know as soon as they're back."

I'm the most impatient person and this isn't making that any easier. Alex is healthy so why would this happen to her? It's not like she's still drinking, if she were then maybe this would make sense, but she's not. At least I hope she isn't. She's been acting off lately what if she is? Going out shopping alone and being a little on edge when she comes back. Not telling me things.

No Casey, Alex is so much stronger than that you know that. She would never go behind your back and drink. She promised you she wouldn't and she hasn't touched a drop since before you were together. She said that I'm the reason she didn't even think of alcohol, but what if I did something stupid to set her off?

I sound so awful mentally accusing Alex on drinking. What kind of a girlfriend am I? She's lying here unconscious and all I can think about is the worst scenario possible. Her going behind my back and drinking. God, I am such an idiot. She's been trying so hard not to drink this past year and she's so proud of herself for doing so and I'm proud of her too.

After more time of kicking myself for even considering the idea of Alex drinking again, the doctor comes in.

"what is it? Is she going to be okay?" I ask him desperately.

"well we know what caused this. She ingested a mix of some poisonous berries."

Berries, in her smoothie.

"she had a smoothie." I whisper.

"the good news is we can treat her."

"thank God."

"when can she wake up?" I ask him.

"I've had the nurse bring down the sedative I gave her earlier, so soon."

"Ms. Novak is there anyone you can think of that might want to hurt you or your girlfriend?" he then asks.

I'm about to say no, but then I realize that we have more people who'd want nothing more than to see us crash and burn.

"yeah."

"I'm obligated to contact the police." he says.

"no I will. I'm an Assistant Distract Attorney. I have cops already on it." I tell him.

He asks if he should show Cathy and Barry in. I say yes and he leaves to retrieve them.

They come in.

"we thought she might like these brighten up the room." Cathy says setting down some flowers.

"thanks." I whisper.

She looks at Alex and tears up. She kisses her fingers and puts them on Alex's forehead.

"so what did the doctor say?" she asks me.

"oh umm food poisoning. Listen I have to umm call the office and let them know what's going on. Can you wait with her?"

I go outside and I call Elliot. He picks up immediately.

"Elliot something happened to Alex."

It doesn't take him long to race over here.

"we were eating and she just passes out. They say it was some poisonous berries they were in her smoothie that I got her."

I can barely speak without hyperventilating.

"I'll go over to the restaurant and talk to them see if they saw anything or anyone. I'll check all the security cameras there and at the office." he says.

"thank you Elliot."

"go take care of Alex."

I go back into the room and I sit right at Alex's side where I stay for the next few hours hoping she wakes up. Each time the nurses come in to check her I hope they'll say something positive, but all I get is she should wake up soon.

How long is soon though? It's been almost 24 hours since she passed out and still nothing. She's just laying here and the machines are beeping the nurses are checking, and she should be awake by now.

The doctor decides to run some more tests on her. They hook her up to yet another machine.

"Casey you should go home and get some rest." Cathy says to me.

"no I need to stay with her." I insist.

"at least go home and get some clothes."

"no I'm fine in this. She needs me and I'm not going to leave her. She needs me."

I'm not leaving Alex. If I was in her place she wouldn't leave my side for anything, so I'm not leaving her side. She's probably so scared right now and I want to be here when she wakes up.

She puts her hand on my shoulder.

"the doctor said she's going to be okay."

"if she's going to be okay then why isn't she awake? If this is considered okay then I don't want her to be okay I want her to be great. If this is okay then I'm not satisfied with it. I want her awake and happy and herself." I tell her.

I kiss Alex's hand.

"I love you Alex. I'm right here. I'm not going to leave you." I say to her.

Waiting for the tests is nothing short of torture. When the doctor tells us what's going on I almost want to scream at him that he's lying and not doing everything in his power.

"she's in a coma. Because of the toxins and the amount she ingested this isn't abnormal-"

I absolutely hate and cannot stand when doctors say that. You're a neurologist for crying out loud. You deal with coma patients on a daily basis of course it's not abnormal for you, but it is for Alex. She's never been in a coma. This is very abnormal.

"so what are you doing to wake her up?" I ask him.

His answer is the typical we're doing everything we can and then alot of doctor talk that barely gets through to my brain. All I know is that Alex is in a coma and not waking up, because of what this psycho Eric O'Neal, or whoever he is, did. She has brain activity which is a good sign, but a coma is serious. It's something you only see in movies and shows and you know by the end the person will wake up, but this is real life and it doesn't seem real. It seems like a nightmare.

Cathy gives me a hug, but it's hard to hug her back, because the only person I want a hug from right now is Alex. I want her to wrap her arms around me and kiss me.

I keep imagining her telling me that everything will be okay and she loves me. Her getting protective over me because I'm crying and trying to make it all better with hugs and kisses and I love yous.

I fix the blanket that's on her. I want her to be comfortable. I place a kiss right on her chapped lips.

"I love you Alex. I love you so much."

I sound like her saying I love you over and over. I figure maybe if I say it enough times maybe she'll hear me and wake up. I know that when I need to pull through a hard time, sometimes her telling me she loves me is all I need. Maybe me telling her I love her is all she needs. I need to be here for her. I can be upset and pissed off at this psycho who did this and myself, but being pissed off and angry wont help Alex. Crying wont help her either I'm an adult and I need to suck it up and take care of my Alex.

Elliot comes by while Cathy and Barry are getting a bite to eat.

"how is she?" he asks sitting next to me.

"she's in a coma." I whisper.

As the words pass my lips a chill runs down my spine. Not like the kind I get when Alex touches me or kisses me or says something amazing, but one that is ice cold full of fear.

"Casey I'm so sorry." Elliot apologizes.

"it's not your fault."

"I'm going to catch this guy I swear to you and Alex. This is where it stops."

"did the resteraunt know anything?"

"no their delivery guy is some high school kid. He came up clean."

"so then who else had our food?" I ask myself.

"did they leave it at the front desk?" he asks me.

"I don't know. The receptionist brought it in."

"alright well I'll go talk to her."

"thanks Elliot. I mean it. Thank you."

"I'd do anything for you two."

I smile at his words. He may be best friends with Olivia, but he knows that her issues are her own, and he stays out of it. I don't know who else I'd trust with something like this.

"see Alex, Elliot's gonna go talk to the receptionist. Maybe we can get some answers. Isn't that great?" I ask her.

I want her to wake up and say something. More than anything I want to hear her voice. Her voice brings me weak at the knees every time. She even says my name perfectly.

I'm completely disorientated sitting here with her. I don't want to sleep. I want to be here when she wakes up. I don't know how long I've been here, but it feels like forever.

"Casey dear you need to go home and rest." Cathy begs me.

"no because when she wakes up she's going to be afraid and I need to be here for her. I can't leave her."

"honey I understand, but you need to take care of you too. That's what Alex would want."

"stop talking about her like she isn't here." I snap.

My anger doesn't bother Cathy at all. She simply says Barry will wait here with Alex and she'll take me home.

"fine but I want to come back before tomorrow morning." I insist.

"if that's what you want then that's what we'll do."

The apartment is so empty feeling when we walk in. I want to hear Alex welcome me home, and have her run over to shower me lots of kisses before I even get my coat off. To ask how my day was, and say she missed me so much before giving me even more kisses.

Cathy asks if I'm hungry. I don't want to eat right now I want to sleep, take the shower I desperately need, get my things and go back to Alex's side. If I can do that in less than 3 hours I'm set.

What kind of girlfriend am I? I just left her there alone. Well not alone, Barry is there, but I should be there. When she wakes up she's going to want me there and be looking for me. I'd hate if she was scared from me not being there.

I get out of the shower and of course Cathy is waiting with a plate of pasta for me. I eat it more out of need than want. What I want now is to be with Alex, not eating pasta and going to bed.

"I'll clean up." I tell her.

There's a pile of dishes in the sink from the last night Alex and I were here. We completely neglected to do them because we had some fun sexy time in mind. I'm glad we had our time together that night instead of being responsible adults and doing dishes.

"don't worry Casey come on I'll tuck you in and you can sleep." she brings me to my bedroom.

She tucks me in like when I was a child and kisses my forehead.

"sweet dreams."

I'm just hoping that when I wake up this will have all been some crazy nightmare and I'll be laying next to Alex on a Saturday morning.

I grab her pillow and lay my head on it. It's the next best thing to sleeping on Alex. It smells like her, but I can't hear her heart. I love listening to her heart beat when I fall asleep. Her real heart beat not the annoying beeping of a machine.

I wake up thinking I can hear the rhythmic pattern of her heart. The sound and her smell, oh thank god it was a nightmare. I open my eyes and find myself clutching her pillow still. There are wet tear stains on it. The sound I thought was her heart, is just my ears ringing from the non stop beeping of the heart monitor at the hospital.

Hospital. Alex is in the hospital and I need to go there. I need to be with her. What if she woke up? What if she needs me or something? It's morning and I stayed way past the three hour limit I gave myself. Alex needs me.

"we need to go. Alex she needs me right now. I slept too long." I say to Cathy as I scramble to dress my stuff and pack somethings for Alex.

At the hospital we get in the elevator and press the button ten times hoping the elevator will just transport me. I always make fun of Alex for pressing the button, joking that it wont make the elevator go faster.

I run into the room and she's not awake. I guess part of me was hoping when I got here that she'd be awake and she's not and I want her to be. Why did this person have to hurt her and why is she reacting this way to it? I'm not a doctor and right now I wish I had opted for medical school instead of law school so I could cure Alex and wake her up.

I sit on the edge of her bed not wanting to hurt her. I lean down and kiss Alex's lips. Maybe that will will her out of this state like a fairytale.

I don't expect to be kissed back though, but her lips start to move and she kisses me back. I let go of the kiss before I really want to and look at her. Maybe it was a trick of the mind, or my being over tired, but I thought she kissed me back.

I look at her beautiful face and her eyes start to flutter open. I hold her hand letting her know I'm right here for her.

"I'm right here Alex. I'm here."


	18. Chapter 18

Ch. 18 Casey's POV

"Alex." I whisper.

I don't want to scare her by speaking too loud.

She looks at me and her eyes light up and she smiles it's small, but it's still the most beautiful smile.

She remembers me and she knows who I am. I made her smile. I've never been so happy to see that beautiful smile. I didn't know if I'd ever see it again. I was so afraid that when she woke up she wouldn't remember me at all.

"hi baby." I say to her.

Her smile grows and she attempts to sit up, but her smile fades and turns to her face scrunching up in pain.

"no baby lay down it's okay. Relax." I help her lay back down.

"I'll go get the doctor." Barry says.

Her hand goes to her stomach. No doubt that hurts after the doctors had to pump it and the toxins no doubt did a number on her.

I take the cup from the side table. I put the edge of the cup to her lips and she takes a few sips.

"there you go."

She looks around the room. I'm about to tell her where she is, but the doctor comes in and pretty much shoves me away. I want to hold her hand. She just woke up in a strange place and now she's being poked and prodded at and asked alot of questions. I stay right there though, in her sight. I don't want her to freak out, and she wont if I'm there. She keeps her eyes on me and smiles at me, my heart almost leaps out of my chest. I don't know what I would've done without her.

After what seems like forever the doctor has performed all his tests on her and leaves us be.

"hi." I say to her.

My voice cracks. I've never gone this long without Alex or been this scared in my life. My heart is still pounding in my chest.

"hi." her voice rasps.

She holds her hand out and I take it.

"how are you feeling?" I ask her.

"you're here so I'm great." she says.

Oh how I missed the words of Alex Cabot. She always knows what to say.

I kiss her once more savoring the feeling of her lips on mine.

"I missed you." I say to her as a few tear escapes my eyes.

"what happened? What's wrong?" she sits up.

Her eyes squeeze shut as she moves.

No no Alex don't stress out. Damn it eyes would you please not spring a leak for the sake of Alex's recovery.

"no nothing's wrong I'm just happy you're awake. I was so scared baby."

"how long was I out?"

"a week and a half."

"I'm so sorry Casey. I'm sorry." she repeats over and over.

She squeezes my hand as tight as she can.

"it's not your fault." I remind her.

I turn to Cathy and Barry.

"can you guys give us a few minutes?"

"sure. We're glad you're awake dear." Cathy gives her a kiss on her forehead not wanting to hurt her with a hug.

They leave the room.

"what's wrong?" she asks me.

"baby please don't get upset, but someone tried to poison you- well they did poison you, but they tried to kill you."

"what?"

She looks at me confused.

"baby what's the last thing you remember."

"you and I in bed." she winks.

How is it that, even in the hospital bed fresh out of a coma, Alex Cabot is still sexy charming and full of energy?

"you don't remember anything after that?"

"well we did stop and go to sleep, but I always try to remember the fun stuff." she whispers.

"you don't remember the next morning?"

"no."

"well we were at work and I ordered you lunch and in the smoothie had poisonous berries in it somehow. You passed out and convulsed. So we had to call 911 and here you are. You just wouldn't wake up after they pumped your stomach."

She takes a minute to process all of it.

"well I'm here now for you. I'm so sorry. I promise I'll never leave you again." she assures me.

"don't you worry. It's not your fault. It's not like you knew or had a choice to be in- in a coma. I'm just happy you're getting better."

"here." she squishes herself over on the bed.

"no Alex careful I don't want you to exhaust yourself."

"I'm fine." she pats the empty space.

"no I don't want to hurt you."

"I'm not glass I wont break. If you hurt me I'll tell you. Now come on I've been out for a week I need my Casey cuddles." she says patting the space.

Carefully I climb next to her on the small hospital bed. I put my arm around her and she rests her head on me. I missed holding her so much.

"did you tell Elliot?" she asks.

"yes he's looking."

"did he come up with anything?"

"no. This guy knows how to cover his tracks well."

"I promise he's not going to hurt you." she kisses my cheek.

"I think we should tell Cathy and Barry about what really happened."

Since the break in we didn't want to tell them about the graffiti or Eric O'Neal. I really didn't want to worry them as I thought maybe it was just a random targeting, not a stalking. Not that she shouldn't worry, but between her and Alex that is alot of worrying. After this they need to know.

We tell them about the graffiti and the stalking and as predicted they're upset we didn't tell them earlier. Cathy is beside herself and starts ranting about how disgusting it is that someone would do this to another person.

"I'm just glad you're both okay now, but you have the tell us these things. We're here for you always and we'll listen. It's our job to worry though. This is something so serious I mean someone is intentionally trying to hurt you." Barry says calmly.

"I'm sorry to you both I never ever meant to disrespect you or lie to you. I just didn't want you to think that I was putting Casey in harms way by being with her-" Alex starts to ramble.

"don't over exert yourself honey. You're still recovering. I know you never meant to hurt us. What's done is done and next time just know you can tell us anything. You being with Casey is the best thing ever, don't let this guy's stupidity make you think differently." Cathy assures her.

Barry starts asking about what Elliot is doing to catch this guy.

"that son of a bitch has something else coming to him." Barry mumbles after I explain it all.

My uncle Barry has never been a very confrontational guy. He's the type of guy to walk away and be the bigger man. Then again he's never had someone stalking his family or trying to kill my girlfriend.

Three days after Alex wakes up and has been home for a while, McCoy requests that I return to work. Alex can't as she's still recovering and the doctors want her to stay home.

Alex says that it's a good idea I go back.

"I can't go. You're still not 100%." I say to her.

"baby I'll be fine."

She's not suppose to do too much, because the toxins really did a number on her stomach and liver even with the short amount of time it was in her system. Her muscles ache, probably more than she's letting on and her coordination is a bit off as a result, so being by herself really isn't an option right now. What if something happens and she needs me.

"no I'm taking care of you."

She sighs.

"you need to go back to work. You can't keep babying me. Someone needs to be there and if you don't go in I will."

"no you are staying right in this apartment."

"I'll find a way and you know very very well how I always get what I want when I'm determined." she kisses me.

Her hand goes on my leg proving that she's trying to butter me up.

"hey no no. None of that. The doctor said minimal to no activity."

She groans.

"please just a little activity?" she kisses me.

"no. You need your rest."

"this can be my minimal activity."

"no your minimal activity is getting dressed and getting up to bathe and go to the bathroom. Not making love. Now, I need to be here for you so I'm calling McCoy and telling him no. I'll use my vacation time if I have to I'm staying right here with you and taking care of you."

Part of it might be me feeling like I need to be there for Alex and help her and make her feel comfortable. The other half is that what if this psychopath comes around while Alex is here? She can barely walk she's so weak right now, there's no way she's wielding a metal bat and beating a man to the ground.

"baby I can handle it. I'm feeling better already."

I give her a look.

"I do."

So continues my look of disbelief.

"I do. I'll even prove it right now." she kisses my neck.

"you need to behave."

"make me." she giggles.

She's right I do need to go back to work. I could probably work something out where Cathy could come stay with Alex while I'm at the office.

I draw Alex a bath, and after resisting the urge to jump in with her, I go and call Cathy. Getting Alex to allow Cathy to stay with her during the day would be like pulling teeth, because Alex doesn't like to be a burden on anyone even me, but especially my aunt and uncle. She's not, but she constantly insists she is.

It's no surprise when Cathy agrees to it.

"Casey." Alex calls out from the bathroom.

I end the call and rush into the bathroom.

"yes?"

"you know we've been living here long enough that we should make use of this bathtub. It is big enough for both of use after all." she says in her charming sexy voice.

"the question being."

"there's no question. However, I do think I would recover much quicker if you got in the bath with me."

She crooks her finger and motions me towards her. Alex Cabot is very very determined, and will be the death of me. Nothing would be more fun than to get in the bath with her, but I'm so scared I'll hurt her.

"I've decided that I will go back to the office." I sit on the edge of the tub.

"great now bath." she smiles.

"but while I'm there. Cathy is going to come and keep you company."

"no Casey-"

So starts the war that will be me getting Alex to accept help.

"I already asked her she said yes and you're not getting out of this. She'll be here tomorrow morning when I leave. End of discussion. Now enjoy your bath."

"I can take care of myself." she insists.

"I never said you couldn't but my aunt is coming. She already said yes and is over the moon about it."

She takes a breath and sighs.

"I'll only agree to it if you get in the bath."

I shake my head and get up.

"Casey Novak you get in this bath now." she orders in her lawyer tone.

"your water is going to get cold." I say to her.

She crosses her arms discouraged at my stubbornness. I can't help but laugh at how adorable she is.

"it's not funny."

"yes it is."

The next morning there is as predicted a fight from Alex.

"Casey I will be fine."

"I know you will be." I say helping her sit on the couch the next morning.

"I don't need a babysitter."

I wish she'd stop fussing and protesting over my aunt coming to help out and just accept the help. Sometimes Alex is so stubborn, but she still needs help.

"it's not babysitting. You're just spending time with her, she's keeping you company. You can bond or talk about shopping. Watch your weird movies."

Cathy knocks on the door. I give Alex a kiss and say goodbye to them and head out.

The smoothie is gone from Alex's office carpet. It doesn't look like anything happened here. I can only be thankful that she's awake and recovering.

The receptionist informs me that McCoy needs to speak with me. She asks how Alex is and I tell her she's getting much better.

I go up to McCoy's office and instead of anything work related he asks about how Alex is doing.

"she's doing better. She's home now." I assure him.

"send Alex my best. I hope she makes a speedy recovery." he says.

"yes sir. Thank you sir."

I go into Alex's office and sit at her desk. I look at the picture on her desk she has of the two of us at the beach. I get lost in looking at Alex. She's not here, but her picture just reminds me of what's waiting at home.

"Casey." a voice says from the door.

It's Elliot.

"Elliot please come in." I stand up.

"how's Alex?" he asks.

"better. She's at home with my aunt right now."

"that's great. How are you?"

How am I? Well I'm upset at the recent happenings. I'm worried that Alex is going to be too stubborn for her own good, but I'm also happy. Alex is awake at home and recovering her stubbornness is something I could never live without.

"Alex is doing better, so I'm happy." I tell him.

"you'll be happy to know that I figured out how O'Neal got the berries in Alex's smoothie."

"how?"

"he switched them when they got to your receptionist's desk. The actual delivery guy came up and dropped the food. Five minutes later the elevator camera's caught footage of a man getting on the elevator coming onto this floor with a cup from the same restaurant. Then leaving seconds after without the cup."

"did you get any prints off the cup?"

"unfortunately he had gloves on."

"did the cameras catch his face?"

"no he avoided the cameras like he knew where they were. Wore a hat and a sweatshirt We're trying to go through the rest of the footage to see if we can find if he's been here did get a clear picture of a tattoo on his wrist. A fraternity Omega Pi Omega."

He takes a photo out of his coat pocket.

There he is. The son of a bitch that tried to kill my Alex. In a baseball hat, a hoodie, gloves and a tattoo on his right wrist. He isn't that muscular looking. Here I was thinking he was this buff guy by the way he flipped our apartment.

"does he look familiar? Do you know anyone from that fraternity?" Elliot asks.

"no. I'll ask Alex if he seems familiar."

"we're going through the fraternity's records to see if anything else comes up."

I keep looking at the picture. I wish he was here so I could shove poison berries down his throat while I hit him with my bat over and over again.


	19. Chapter 19

Ch. 19 Alex's POV

_I'm standing alone in the middle of a sunny field with flowers that are high off the ground. I look down and I'm wearing a dress. I turn around and I see Casey, also in a dress her hair wavy. I smile brightly. She approaches me and I can't help but feel all giddy and excited. _

_She takes my hands._

_"I love you." she says._

_"I love you too." _

_She giggles._

_"what?"_

_She keeps giggling. _

_"I can't believe it."_

_"me either."_

_"I'm finally Mrs. Casey Cabot."_

_I pull her closer to me putting my forehead on hers. _

_"I like the sound of that." I whisper._

_"me too." she presses her lips on mine._

_I deepen the beautiful kiss._

I open my eye lids and they feel like they're glued together by sleep. I look up and see Casey. Casey my Casey. She looks exhausted. Still beautiful as ever, but looks absolutely beat.

"hi baby."

I want to sit up and ask her why she looks so tired and give her a kiss, but she tells me not to. I quickly realize why. My stomach burns and my whole body aches like my muscles are made of goo. My head is pounding like it has a bass drum inside it.

I look around and realize I'm in a hospital room. The dead give away was when a man in scrubs and a white coat comes in and starts checking between me and the machines I'm hooked up to. Asking me questions like what day it is and if I remember my name.

I'm relieved when he leaves, because the whole time I look at Casey she looks so tired. I want to hold her and kiss her and cuddle her.

My voice sounds horrible when I try to talk to Casey. Cathy and Barry are here. I want to know how the hell I ended up here.

Casey then tells me she missed me. She starts to cry. What the hell happened? I don't want her upset I don't want her sad. I did something and now I'm here and it upset her.

A coma? A week and a half in a coma. How did I even end up in a coma?

She asks her aunt and uncle to give us a minute to talk. From what I can remember last, they definitely don't want to be here.

Cathy kisses my head before she leaves.

The door shuts and I ask her once more what's wrong.

"baby please don't get upset, but someone tried to poison you well they did, but they tried to kill you."

Tried to kill me. How would someone poison me when I'm with Casey in bed.

"baby what's the last thing you remember."

I keep trying to remember anything after being with Casey.

"you and I in bed." I wink.

She blushes a bright pink.

She tells me the rest of what happened. Pumping my stomach and some poisonous berries in my smoothie. Well that explains the burning pain that's in my stomach and the starching sensation bothering my throat.

I've been unconscious for a week and a half. I didn't wake up for my Casey for a week and a half. She's so upset, and I can't believe I didn't wake up for her. I move over to give her room. My muscles ache as I do. She's reluctant to sit with me afraid I'll break, but I need to be with her right now. She needs me.

I can't get home fast enough. It's so frustrating, I can't do anything without my body feeling like it's on fire or I'm going to throw up my entire stomach. I will get better, but it's discouraging to have Casey doing everything for me.

Casey however doesn't want to go back to work yet. I want to prove to her that I'm okay after this. She put her life on hold for a week for me. I'm out from work for who knows how long and I want her to go to work. I want to be able to recover without her worrying or trying to tell me to relax.

"you need to go back to work. You can't keep babying me. Someone needs to be there and if you don't go in I will. I'll find away and you know very very well how I always get what I want when I'm determined." I kiss her lips.

I put my hand on her thigh and move it closer to where I want to be.

I may not have been awake the whole week, but I'm definitely feeling it. I want to love her up.

My attempts to love her up ultimately fail. She then makes me take a bath. The warm water feels like heaven on my muscles. She leaves when I'm about to ask her to join me.

"I've decided that I will go back to the office." she says when she comes back in.

This is great. She can go to work and I can stay here I'll get so much done. I can work on getting better. She doesn't want to me to over work myself, but I hate feeling like an invalid, I need to suck it up and get better. Then I can start doing more planning for proposing to Casey. This will be good.

She tells me that Cathy is going to be here during the day. However, it's impossible to say no to Casey. She is stubborn when she wants to be, and how can I say no to her. She's so cute and adorable.

Cathy arrives just as Casey is set to leave for her first day back at work.

As soon as Casey leaves. I offer Cathy coffee. I toss the blanket off that Casey had put on me and I attempt to stand.

"no no don't worry about it. You need your rest." she stops me from standing.

The day gets a little easier. If I thought Casey was stubborn about me resting up and getting better, well lets just say I know where she gets her stubbornness from.

At lunch time Casey calls Cathy. I shake my head and sigh. She's checking up on me making sure I'm not being a pain in the ass. I'm trying not to be, I don't want Cathy to get sick of me.

That evening Casey comes home with news from Elliot about who tried to poison me. She shows me the picture and I feel like I could kill the man. He was right there near Casey. He could've hurt her. He was in our home and he sent her flowers. He almost took me away from her. I don't think I've ever hated someone so much in my life. Unfortunately he doesn't look familiar, and all I have to go by is body structure and a barely legible tattoo on his wrist. He knows where she is though, where Casey works and I'm not okay with that. I'm sure Elliot has the office security on it, but I'm not comfortable letting her be there alone. I tell Casey that right away.

"I'll be okay baby. Now they know and they can keep me safe."

No not good enough. I want this guy behind bars or better yet six feet under so he can rot.

Once and a while over the week, I'll forget that Eric O'Neal was mere feet away from Casey, but then I remember and I text her to make sure she's okay.

A few days spent with Cathy is actually great I'm starting to feel better really better. My stomach stopped hurting and my body doesn't feel like it's frozen up. Cathy and I have watched every season of every trashy reality show possible. I think that Cathy likes me. Even if she did have to help me out I really think she likes me.

I want to ask her permission so I can ask Casey to marry me. I think it's only right that I get her and Barry's approval before hand. I have Jakes, but I need theirs. They've known her her whole life, they know what's best for her.

I feel like I'm proposing to them. I'm trying to make this perfect like I do everything with Casey. I know I'm being a tad bit over the top, but I'd rather be over the top and get a yes then underwhelming and ultimately get a no. I decide that I'm going to cook a meal for them, and barring that goes well, I'm going to ask them over dinner. Casey is at the office on a pre trial prep, so it's the perfect time. If my cooking doesn't work out I do have a plan B. Here's hoping that I don't have to even touch plan B.

"do you need any help at all?" Cathy asks as we wait for Barry to arrive after work.

"no no I have it under control."

That's a half lie I'm freaking out here. I've been practicing in my head what I'm going to say to them, and I can't manage to ever make the right words. My cooking might be going rather well, I haven't tasted anything yet so I wont hold my breath on that, but rehearsing in my head what I'm going to say is not going well at all.

Come on Alex you can do this. Just ask them. How hard can it be? I mean you're only asking them if they like you enough to let their niece spend the rest of her life with you. Asking them if they think you're good enough for her and can do right by her for the rest of your life. Deep breaths. This will be fine. You've got this, you can do this. You have won trials with minimal evidence and won over juries and judges, you should be able to win over Cathy and Barry. You are a prosecutor Alex. You spent all that time in law school learning how to get the outcome you want. Why can't you just use that now? Just put on your ADA Cabot attitude and all will end well. Right? Make your case as to why you proposing to and hopefully marrying Casey will be the best thing for Casey. That you will be the most amazing caring loving wife to her, and you'll make her the happiest woman in the world. You'll never be the reason she's sad, you'll never ever hurt her and you'll always be there for her. I want to be the best wife to Casey. I will do right by her always.

My heart is thumping and I'm trying not to hyperventilate as Barry comes in.

"I come with an appetite." Barry says.

"would you stop it." Cathy teases him.

We sit down at the table and I don't think my hands could be anymore sweaty or shaky than they already are. I'm amazed I can handle a fork at this point. I can barely focus on eating because I'm so nervous.

"oh this is delicious. Very good." Barry says taking a bite.

How do I even begin to bring this up. I don't know how to even start this conversation. So umm I love Casey can I marry her? This is much different than when I asked Jake. Jake is Casey's cousin and they're her aunt and uncle. There's no doubt that I love Casey more than anything in the world, but what if they aren't convinced that I'm good enough for her. That I wont be the best wife I can be to Casey and make her happy.

"Alex how are you feeling?" Barry asks.

"fine- umm better much better. Your wife and Casey really helped me a lot and you too. Thank you."

Deep breaths Alex. You can do this just say something. Think before you speak though you cannot afford to make a fool of yourself.

I've been sitting here quietly for five minutes trying to come up with words and nothing is working. They're almost finished with their food and there's 20 minutes before Casey gets home. If I'm asking them I need to ask them now or never.

"I- I umm I asked you both to dinner because I wanted to thank you for umm helping Casey and I with everything that's happened, and being there for her when I was in the hospital and now."

"it's no trouble dear. We're always here for you both." Cathy says with a smile.

"well I also asked you both here because I wanted to ask you something."

I take a deep breath. I look at them both.

The words don't want to form, and nothing is coming out of my mouth. Just ask Alex, ask them.

"I know that it hasn't been very long that we've known each other, and I've been with Casey less than a year, but I think it's only right if I ask you."

Deep breaths.

"I think it's only right if I ask for your permission if I can ask Casey if she would like to marry me."

I look down at my lap waiting. It feels like the longest wait of my life. I don't know what to expect. On the one hand they could say no and that would be it. It'd be all over, this dream I have of proposing to Casey. Then the other hand they could say yes and it would all work out just how I want it too. I'd have their blessing and the next step would be asking Casey and having her say yes.

"oh my." Cathy says.

If it's bad please just let them get it over with.

"wow." Barry says clearly not expecting to be asked such a serious question.

"I know I'm sorry." I say shaking my head trying to keep tears from coming out.

"why would you ever be sorry dear?" Cathy asks.

I look up and they're both smiling.

"there's nothing to be sorry for. This is fantastic." Cathy says excitedly.

"well Alex we know how happy you make Casey and it's obvious you both love each other very much. What I'm trying to say is you have our blessing." Barry says.

Oh my god they said yes. They said yes that I can ask Casey to marry feels surreal. I was almost positive they wouldn't say yes, but they did.I'm going to ask Casey to marry me and they said I can.

"oh this is just so wonderful." Cathy gets up and hugs me.

"I'm so excited." she adds.

"me too."

"when were you thinking of asking her?" Cathy asks.

"I'm umm not sure yet. I haven't figured out when or how to do it, and I haven't found the ring yet. I've been looking though. Alot. I just got side tracked with everything lately but I'm going to do it."

"don't worry about it. She'll love it no matter what." Barry assures me.

No he's wrong. It needs to be perfect.

Okay maybe I should listen to him. He did propose to Cathy, she did say yes, and they've been married a long time clearly he knows what he's talking about. I need to not worry and let the ring come to me.

"do you need help looking?" Cathy asks me.

Yes! I am in desperate need of help. I've needed help since day one of this. I'm a complete mess with this. I have no clue what I'm doing.

"tomorrow we can go out and look for rings if you're up to it. If you don't mind my help." she suggests.

"yes of course. Thank you. Really thank you."

"don't worry, and we wont say a word to Casey." Cathy adds.

When Casey comes in my heart leaps. I get up and greet her.

"no baby sit." she says.

I kiss her.

"no I'll make you a plate. Here sit." I pull out her chair.

"you look like you're feeling better." Casey says.

"I feel so much better." I smile to myself.

Nothing can get me down right now. I just got approval to propose to Casey.


	20. Chapter 20

Ch. 20 Casey's POV

The end of the day can't come fast enough. That stupid picture keeps bothering me. He was right there, right under our noses and we fell right into his trap. Another five minutes and I'm going home to take care of my Alex.

I quickly finish what I have left and leave for the night. I rush home. Upon opening the door Alex and Cathy are on the couch laughing at some reality show.

"I'm home." I call out.

Alex attempts to get up.

"no no I'll come to you hang on." I say taking my coat off.

I give Alex a kiss and hug my aunt.

"thank you so much."

"it's no trouble. Well I must be off otherwise your uncle wont feed himself anything but pretzels for dinner. You girl need anything-"

"yes we'll call you first thing." I say to her.

I sit down next to Alex.

"well how was it?"

"fine. I am feeling so much better. Well alot better now that you're here. Did you miss me?"

"yes very much."

"I swear I'll be better in a few days. I'll be back in the office."

"as much as I'd like that I think you just need to rest. Now I want you to focus on getting better."

I then tell her about Elliot's findings in the security system.

She's upset about the fact this guy was even in the building as me. I can see it on her face. She goes full on protective and is two seconds away from going to hunt this guy down and beating him.

She kisses my lips.

"I missed you so much."

"I missed you too. Was Cathy helpful?"

"yeah she was great. I still missed you though." she kisses my neck.

She needs her rest. Relax Casey do not attack your girlfriend. Yes it's been almost two weeks, but she needs to relax and get does she have to be so sexy and cute all the time? I just want her.

"I'll go make you dinner. What do you want? Anything you name it."

Cooking is a good distraction so that I don't jump her. I must control my thoughts until she is 100% again. That should be easy right?

Yeah right she gives a little wink, or biting her bottom lip, or uses her way with words and I melt like a popsicle.

Getting Alex to relax over the fact I have pre trial prep that will go after hours is not that easy, but eventually she gives in. I don't want to have to stay late, but this was Alex's case and since I'm now on it I need to do a good job. She'll hate me if I lose this when she could so easily win it.

I get home and to my surprise Barry is there eating dinner. A dinner that Alex cooked. I wish she hadn't been up and running around and stressing. I've watched Alex cook and she gets so stressed out every time. It makes me wish that I didn't tease her that she couldn't cook before. It's so sweet though that she cooked for them. I know how badly she wants my aunt and uncle to accept her and they do so much. They love her and think she's great. I wish I knew why she is so hard on herself and so worried that they might suddenly decide not to like her. I don't know how anyone could not like Alex Cabot. She's smart, beautiful, the sweetest person in the whole world. She's made mistakes but she owns up to them, and as much as I believe that she is a goddess, she is human and humans make mistakes.

I guess I can just be thankful that their all getting along. After turmoil with Susan I was afraid that the same would happen with my aunt and uncle. I never thought they'd take a liking to Alex as much as they have. It's great because her family isn't around and she needs someone.

The rest of dinner Cathy has this smile on her face. She's just thrilled that she's bonding with Alex. It's obvious by the big hug she gives her before she and Barry leave.

"that was very nice of you." I say to Alex.

"thanks I just wanted to thank them for taking care of me and you and what not. I should start the dishes."

"oh no you are getting your butt on that couch or in bed-"

Her eye brow goes up and a smile spreads across her face.

"sleeping." I add.

"Casey please." she half whines.

"you need to relax and-"

She pulls me into a hug and her lips go right to my neck.

"please."

Her teeth bite down on my neck.

She needs her rest Casey. Remember she's suppose to be recovering with minimal activity. She just spent the evening cooking.

Damn it if only she weren't so irresistible.

She starts unzipping my skirt.

"alright fine, but I'm doing all the work."

She groans.

"it's either that or you're in that bed sleeping."

"okay." she smiles.

I capture her lips with mine and so starts the maneuvering to the bedroom. I do not want her to bump into anything and hurt herself.

I roll over hearing a buzzing and I'm tangled in the blankets with a very naked Alex Cabot. The best way to wake up in my opinion. She looks so peaceful and yet so pleased with herself, having charmed me right into bed, even if she is still deep asleep.

The buzzing noise starts again.

Shit it's the doorbell. Cathy. It's 8:30 I woke up late. I have court.

"Alex, Alex wake up." I shake her.

"no come back." she pulls me to her.

I squirm out of her arms and grab my robe.

"we woke up late and my aunt is here. Get dressed."

I run and answer the buzzer.

"I'm here." Cathy says over the intercom.

I buzz her up and run to the bathroom. I'm going to be late for court and the judge is going to have me for being late.

"okay I have court so I don't know when I'll be home." I say to Alex and Cathy who's unpacking breakfast.

Alex gives me my bag and a thermos of coffee and kisses me.

I have never run faster in heels getting to the courthouse. Barely getting in the courtroom just in time.

"Ms. Novak nice of you to join us." the judge says as I sit down.

"sorry your honor. Traffic."

Traffic. Forgot to set my alarm because I were getting two weeks of pent up energy out with my sexy girlfriend last night. Same thing right.

The judge ends the trial for the day and I leave the courtroom.

I get to the office and my mail and Alex's waiting on the desk. She now has our mail sent to the office afraid Eric O'Neal might find our apartment that way. I go through it coming across a unlabeled envelope addressed to me. I open it up guessing it must be a bill or something.

_Dear Casey,_

_My love for you is that which cannot be kept a secret any longer. You make me want to be a better man. I count the days before we can be together and you can stop pretending. My attempt to destroy our obstacle might've failed but we will be together soon my love and I can finally kiss you. Until then my love._

What the hell? Who sent this to me?

I look on the back of the envelope, there's no return address. I turn the letter over and there's a picture of me and Alex in the park. It doesn't look like it was taken from that far away, but in black sharpie Alex's eyes are X'd out.

I can't grab the phone quick enough to call Elliot in a fit of rage and panic. It's him that stalker asshole. He's sending me love notes. Creepy scary love notes.

I practically scream at Elliot to get over here and see this.

He was taking picture of Alex and I on a date. He was right there watching us. It was the weekend before he tried to hurt Alex. Now her face is scribbled out.

"you need to find this son of a bitch look." I show him the letter.

"I'm trying Casey. I have nothing to go on unless you or Alex can think of someone."

"well you need to try harder." I yell at him.

"alright I'm sorry, but Elliot that right there is scary. He followed us on a date. What if he tries something again? I don't want this guy stalling me and Alex's life. I don't want to have to move again and I most certainly do not want Alex in a hospital bed ever again."

He puts the note and the picture into an evidence bag.

"I'll take it to CSU to dust for prints."

I leave early, upset and in desperate need to see Alex. She's going to worry and probably can't fix this, but I just want her right now.

I get home and when I shut the door, the tv is off and the apartment is quiet.

"Alex." I call out.

She didn't have a doctors appointment today. Where is she?

"Cathy."

No response.

I slip my hand into the closet and get one of my softball bats. I must look ridiculous right now, but safety first right. After getting that letter he could be anywhere at this point.

Luckily the apartment is clear of any intruders. Although I did startle myself with my own reflection in the mirror like an idiot.

I call Cathy's phone. Turns out she and Alex are out shopping. For once I'm relieved that Alex is out shopping, I almost had a heart attack there. I don't know what I'd do if he tried to hurt Alex again.

I change into sweats and lay down on the couch. After the day I've had I need some peace and quiet and relaxation.

This is stupid. We moved apartments damn it. Why should I worry about someone being here? We're fine. There's a top of the line security system on this building, plus Barry put extra locks on the door at his and Alex's request. I am two steps from being put in bullet proof bubble wrap. I'm overreacting to this.


End file.
